Urge: Part 4

Abhay and Ira are best friends but their long been friendship has turned into something more for Ira. Abhay has a notion that Ira has fallen in love with him but he also has to fulfil his dad's hopes. After being hospitalised (as a result of eve-teasing) for several days, he decides to move to Venice in order to advance his dad's business. How will the story turn for Abhay and Ira? Will Abhay's departure urge Ira to confess her feelings for him? Or will she sacrifice her love for his dad's ambitions? Find out below -

"Is everything packed? All Set." Dad questioned me.

He was on cloud nine after knowing that I've agreed moving to Venice to further his business plans.

"Yes Dad!" I sheepishly looked at Ira who was sitting on the couch.

She had accompanied dad to receive me from the hospital. I was finally getting discharged after 5 long days. The doctors advised me to avoid alcohol and going out for at least another week. Damn! so many things have happened since last week and my liver could really use some alcohol, yet! I couldn't. I was still thinking about Ira. She hadn't reacted or expressed anything after my decision to move to Venice. I badly wanted her to say something or talk to me.

"What happened?" Grabbing my stuff, dad questioned me.

Realising I was staring at point blank, I responded back to him, "Nothing. Let's go!"

Dad left the room quickly and I looked at Ira. She followed dad but didn't utter a word. Perplexed, I followed her too.

On our way out, I questioned her, "So, you're not gonna say anything?"

"What's there to say?" Finally, I heard her voice.

"I shared the biggest decision of my life with you and yet you don't have anything to say?"

Ira stopped and turned around, "What do you want me to say?", She looked furious.

I was taken aback by Ira's reaction. I was still trying to find a response to her reaction while she continued -

"I am happy for you and I will always support you. I supported you when you first bunked your school. I supported you when you had your first cigarette. I even supported you when you cheated on Chitra..."

"...Chitra was cheating on me." I retaliated.

"...which does not give you the right to cheat on her. You've been the male chauvinist of the highest level and yet I have supported you all my life. I will truly always do so until you start digging a grave for yourself which I would not support and would rather die before you drag yourself in such a situation."

"Ira. I am sorry. I know I went too far with that guy's girl, I shouldn't have. I know you've been mad at me but please don't take this as an opportunity to lash out on me. I have always known that you're the best friend I will ever have."

I went ahead and wrapped my hands around her. She stayed calm.

"I am sorry." I re-iterated.

She opened her arms and hugged me back tightly with the fear of losing me. I could sense it.

Meanwhile, dad peeped from the elevator and shouted from down the lobby, "Guys, control yourself until you get home. It wouldn't be safe doing it in the hospital."

Once again, we were embarrassed by the father. We let go of each other but held hands and started walking towards the elevator. While we entered, I noticed dad had a smug smile on his face. As the lift doors were closing, he signalled me 'Well Done' by tapping me on my shoulder. I gave him a disgruntled look. Ira looked at me from the corner of her eye and looked satisfied. Suddenly, we all started laughing in unison.

Dad dropped us home. Ajay bhaiya, was anxiously waiting at the door for my arrival. Ajay bhaiya was our household help. He has been staying with us even before I had gained worldly sense. He was really kind and has helped me through all phases of my life. He took care of all our house needs from daily chores to buying groceries to watering the garden and making sure I get anything I need.

"Bhaiya, how are you?" Ajay bhaiya, smiling, asked me in a happy tone.

I smiled back, "I am good now. It was a really long week. Can you please make something awesome to eat? I think many of my taste buds would have become dead already."

As we walked inside the house, Ajay bhaiya carried my bags and replied, "Sure, Sure!"

We went straight to my room - "Bhaiya, please keep it here..." Signalling him to keep the bags next to the table, "...I will do the rest."

Still smiling with joy, Ajay bhaiya nodded and kept my bags besides the table. He went on towards the kitchen to prepare something to eat.

I took off my shoes and put some music on while Ira sat on the chair next to my, seldom used, study table. I jumped on the bed and turned on the AC, it was smothering hot.

Ira and I started looking at each other when I asked her, "You must be tired too, come here. Relax."

She promptly stood up and laid down on the bed next to me. She was tapping her leg. I knew something was bothering her.

"Are you gonna tell me what is it?" I probed her.

"Nothing yar, I am just tired of all that has happened this week. You and your stupid mistakes."

"Ma'am, I have pleaded guilty for my crimes and I have already apologised."

"It's not about you Abhay. Don't feel so important all the time. Right since you've told me about moving to Venice, I've been contemplating about my life. I really need to do something about it. I feel stuck right now."

"Ira, I know you're a strong woman. Don't worry too much, you will get the job you interviewed for last month. The process takes time. I am sure you will get the offer." I turned towards her side to hold her arm in order to console her. She took a leap and we started cuddling each other.

She stood up and rested her head in my arms while I started stroking her hair. It was a gentle feeling, a feeling of calm.

She looked at me and demanded, "You will call me on a daily basis after you leave. I don't care whether you're busy in meetings or visiting clients or whatever it would take you to do your job. Don't you dare forget to talk to me."

I looked into her eyes and responded, "I won't forget. You don't have to say it." and went ahead to kiss her lips.

Ira felt exalted. She turned around and started smooching me while sitting upright. We were lip-locked and couldn't control our urges. I had my arms wrapped around her body.

She started to unbutton my shirt and it didn't take me to think twice to take her top off. We were dying to get inside of each other, not that we hadn't done it before. However, It was just different this time. We were far too emotional and we knew that our souls needed each other badly.

I reached out and unhooked her bra while she was still on top of me. She felt a bit shy this time and crouched a little. I calmed her and held her from her back and went on to turn positions. Our bodies were hot, we could literally feel every bit of our skin. We went on to smooch each other, we were really sweating. I reached out to my side table where I usually kept the contraceptives but Ira resisted and nodded her head in disapproval. I was confused that she didn't want to use the condom but I gave in as well.

We were really comfortable in each other's body. As if we were made for each other. There was no questioning, no arguments, just sheer joy and pleasure of being inside each other. It was certainly the most amazing moments of my life. Once we were done, we stayed on to lay on bed in each other's arms, caressing each other.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"Bhaiya, I've made samosas for you."

"Ajay bhaiya, wait! We will come downstairs."

"Okay. I'll serve it on the table. Please hurry up." He was quick to revert and leave.

We freshened up and dressed back to go downstairs but didn't say a thing to each other other than looking into each other's eyes and smiling. I was really happy that we were able to cope the distance that had started to pull us apart. What happened today wasn't unusual but surely mesmerising. We were better and stronger than ever.

Urge: Part-3

Abhay, a delhi based womaniser, lands up in a hospital while eve teasing a man's girlfriend. However, after being prostrate for a couple of days he goes into an argument with his best friend Ira (who is in love with Abhay.) Abhay realizes Ira's love for him but wants more from life - Fame and Respect. What's next in Abhay's life? Is he going to throw his aspirations away and lead his way into love or is he going to hurt his best friend's feeling and trust? Find out below -

3 hours and 37 minutes later, I finally decided what to do about it.

"Ira...Ira" I shouted on top of my voice.

I waited for a while and shouted again, "Ira…"

The nurse quickly came running in.

"What happened?" She questioned me in shock.

"Where's Ira? Can you please call Ira?"

"What happened?" She questioned me again.

"Will you please call her for me?"

The nurse hurried out on her way to find Ira.

I kept waiting. The nurse didn't turn up again. 15 minutes went by. I shouted again,

"Nurse..."

Another nurse succumbed to my shouts and came in - "She went home to freshen up. Will be back in an hour or so." She told me in a bitterly tone and lashed out.

Another 2 hours went by and I was losing my patience.

Finally I could hear Ira chattering with the nurses outside of my ward. I got my grip back.

I bursted on Ira as soon as she entered the ward -

"How could you leave me?"

"I just..."

"What just? You don't get to leave me Ira."

"What? Don't I get to take a bath just because you're hospitalized? I am neither your mom nor your wife. You should be thankful that at least of all people I am here." She came back at me.

"So now best friends shit is done, is it? You wanna be my wife to be around me, huh?"

"Shit. That's what it is for you. That's how you treat everyone around you, right?"

"You're misunderstanding. It's not shit for me. You just need to be with me."

"Well you just said it." Ira expelled herself out of the ward.

I felt really sorry for being a dick yet again. Even though I knew she'd be back before dusk. I just wanted to share my decision with her. She's always been the first to know.

Ira did not return that day. I tried her number multiple times only to find it switched off. Anxiety and medicines were killing me.

I texted her - "Come back soon, not feeling good. Sorry."

The message didn't get delivered. I kept waiting for Ira's call and didn't realize when I dozed off again.

Suddenly, I woke up to my phone ringing only to find it was 11.15pm, figuring I slept for another 6 hours. I don't know if it were medications that were really strong or just me. I dug my head under the quilt and pulled out the mobile from my pocket, it was dad's call.

"Hello."

"Hey champ! You're alive." He chuckled.

"Yeah dad! Your responsibilities aren't over yet."

"Well, I have responsibilities of a lot more people who work for me. Anyway, just called in to check if doctors aren't releasing you yet."

"Nope. I'm still here. Ira isn't here and I've been sleeping all day long."

"I know. I called 2 hours back and your nurse answered the call, told me you were sleeping. Believe me, her husky voice really made me want to come over but my meetings are keeping me occupied. If not for you, will come there for her as soon as possible." He started laughing.

"Dad! Anything else?" I was starting to feel frustrated.

"Nope. Have dinner and take your meds. I'll try to visit tomorrow."

"Fine. Bye." I hung up the phone.

I pulled my head out of the quilt to head for the washroom. As I slid sideways, I saw Ira sitting on the couch patiently with her legs folded and hands on her knees. She was looking at me. Watching me getting out of the bed she exclaimed -

"Where?"

There was an instant happiness around me. I started to feel better.

"Washroom." I smiled and answered.

She didn't smile back but I limped to the washroom with the happiness of her being around.

I took profound 3 minutes in the washroom. 1 to pee and other 2 minutes to smile, thinking about Ira. I was indeed lucky to have a friend like her.

"When did you come? I can't believe you switched off your phone." I questioned Ira while shutting the washroom door.

"My battery died. I didn't switch it off."

"You run on batteries?" I started laughing but soon realised I was the only one.

"I came around 2 hours back." She responded as I walked towards her.

"What? Should have woke me up."

She kept quiet.

I stretched my hand to pull a chair but she came forth and insisted me to sit on the couch with her.

I didn't say anything. A silence had caught both of us. She wrapped herself around my hand and leaned her head on my shoulder.

"Ira. I'm sorry." I finally broke the silence between us.

She was quiet.

"I'm joining my father's business. I've decided."

Ira let my hand go and stood straight but she was still quiet.

"I saw tears in my dad's eyes today. It's the last thing I want. I don't want to be the reason of pain and agony in his life. I'm the only family he's left with after mom passed away."

"What about me?" Ira said with a perplexed face.

"You're family too Ira. You have to take care of him after I move to Venice."

"Venice!" She exclaimed.

"Yes, Venice. Remember dad had ventured there recently. He told me that the city has a lot of potential but he isn't able to give it much time..."

"... I'm gonna take care of that and make sure he achieves his dream."

Ira nodded but didn't say anything further.

We stayed on the couch for a while until the nurse arrived with dinner and medicines.

"I really don't wanna eat this food. Can I just have medicines please?" I couldn't resist the expression looking at the hospital food.

"You can only if you wanna stay in the hospital for another week?" The nurse gave me a smirk.

She pulled the table next to the couch and laid the spread on the table. Mashed boiled potatoes, porridge and fresh cut fruits.

I hated fruits.

Ira stayed with me until I had finished my meal and made sure that I have taken all my medicines. She made bed for me and gestured me to get under the quilt. I followed her signal.

"You wanna hop in? I can make some space." I giggled like a girl.

"No. Take rest. I'll go home. See you tomorrow."

"Wait for a while at least." I wanted her to stay back

"I have to take care of some work. Don't worry, I'll be back tomorrow." She responded.

She took her bag and left the ward. I kept staring at the door thinking if the idea of me going to Venice broke Ira but on the second thought, she said she'll be back tomorrow.

I picked up the phone and texted her -

"Good Night. :)"

"Good night." She texted back instantly.

I went on to break the news to dad regarding my decision -

"I'll go to Venice." I texted him.

5 minutes later, he responded, "Awesome."

I carried mixed emotions. I was happy that I was going to be dad's helping hand but I was also relenting thinking about Ira. I didn't know if I was making the right decision, only time will tell.

Urge - Part 2

Abhay, a delhi based womaniser, lands up in a hospital while eve teasing a man's girlfriend. However, after being prostrate for a couple of days he goes into an argument with his best friend Ira (who is in love with Abhay.) Abhay realizes Ira's love for him but wants more from life - Fame and Respect. What's next in Abhay's life? Is he going to throw his aspirations away and lead his way into love or is he going to hurt his best friend's feeling and trust? Find out below - 

'Knock Knock...' It was my dad's knuckles that knocked my wardroom. I made out from the sound on the door.

Ira and I together looked towards the door wondering if our conversation was compromised.

"May I come in, my rockstar?" Dad inquired.

"Hi Dad! Please don't embarrass us." I smiled at him still thinking if he heard us.

My dad was one gem of a person, rarely found. A business tycoon who always had something running on his mind. There wasn't a single minute when he was not working. The glare in his eyes was one reasons for me being so ambitious. He was my idol, my role model. The most intelligent, cool and daring man I've ever met. Every time I had a moment in my life that had confused me, my dad would have an answer to it. The best part was that he always had time for me despite of him being such a busy person.

"Are you two having fun?" He came up with his usual comment. He always had a knack of teasing Ira and me whether or not we are doing anything. 

And I replied with my usual, a bit manipulated though, "Yeah! dad, what's better than having fun in a hospital. It has always been my fantasy."

"Just keep the sheets clean Rocky." He bursted out making Ira uncomfortable.

Even though dad had a notion that Ira and I had experimented with our sexuality together, he wasn't too sure. So, he'd tease us so that he could get some juice out of it but his coccus attempts always go in vain.

Dad walked up to Ira, "How are you sweetheart?"

"Good as always uncle, how are you?" Ira hugged and gave a peck on my dad's cheek.

It was something she always did and I had always adored. These two people showing love to each other. Even though dad used to tease Ira and me on our face, Ira knew he had a clean heart and have always respected him for being himself and not a phony. The moment these two hug each other has always been mesmerizing and serene for me. It was magical because it was pure and had no deceit involved.

Dad came up to me, opened up my still-black-eye with his hand, "This should take another week I guess, how are rest of the things? I've been visiting consistently but you just didn't want to wake up. I guess your friend has more powerful connection with you than I do. So, here we are."

"All is fine dad."

"Your dad has been worried Abhay. Everyone attached to you have been." She scornfully gazed at me.

"Ok enough, I am alive. Don't make me feel as if I have resurrected."

All three of us started laughing in unison.

Dad took a deep breath and held me by my shoulders, "You'll be fine rockstar. You're my boy."

"I'm sorry dad. Never ever..." My words made him turn his steps, he stopped as if he would turn around and say something to me but then walked out of the room. I could see his eyes reddened. It was the first time I had seen him in such a state. I realized I had seriously made an obnoxious mistake.

I looked towards Ira, she whispered, "I told you."

I was sad. Ira left the room knowing that I needed a time out. She always used to leave me alone in my desperate times for she knew that I required solitude to get over the dingy feelings. She also knew that if there would be anything still bothering me she would be the first person to be conversant. Such was our friendship.

Dad had startled me and doubled my concerns. I was already thinking about Ira and now dad being sad. I just could not take it. There were two things attached to it - 

A. I cannot discuss Ira with Ira.

B. I had seen dad sad, for the first time in my life, and only I had to change it.

I had to make a decision.

3 hours and 37 minutes later, I finally decided what to do about it.

Urge - Part 1

"Why were you looking at her?" He questioned me furiously.

"I wasn't looking at her man, I swear to God!" I rebuked.

"Oh, Ok. In that case, I am really sorry." He apologized and started to return to his girlfriend (or perhaps may be wife.)

"To be honest, I was looking at her ass, nice cute rounds." I winked at him, cunningly.

Bam!!!

A punch, right across my face that is all I remember of that day. Next, when I opened up my eyes was in a hospital ward with a glucose drip pinned on my arm.

I did remember arguing to the fat guy(most intimidating biceps I ever saw), that I was born with two eyes and I have a right to perceive things and enjoy the delicacies of life and nature. And yes, he did try to hit me back but I was later on told that I went unconscious right after the punch and the guy was pulled over by security, a hell of a dream. The guy dropped by two days back to apologize but I was asleep.

"Wait, what? Two days?" I went startled, "I've been unconscious for two days?"

"Three days...", looking at her watch, "...and 8 hours, to be specific." Ira, my most loving friend, replied (friend indeed, not girlfriend as you may think.)

"3 and almost a half day? I am surely not that weak. You know that Ira." I took the support of our subtle intimate coalescences.

"Of course not.." She smiled and winked at me.

"...You had shed too much blood. The bleeding must have caused weakness in your body and on top of that, all this morphine and antibiotics. Docs had a notion that you might sleep for another 2 days."

"Are you kidding me? Huh!" I obnoxiously questioned her.

However, to my dismay, she did not reply. It was altogether a different show of Ira's body language. She seemed uncomfortable.

I flee off my bed to her, my legs were numb and I limped. She ran towards me and held me..

"Don't...” she said in a disturbed voice.

"Why?" I questioned her before she could even finish her statement.

"The doctors said that you could go into coma..", tears started to roll off her face and I could feel the intensity of her concern.

'I am an asshole', I said to myself watching Ira shed tears. I know she didn't want to lose me, neither did I. We had something in our friendship. There was a bond we had developed over the span of our acquaintance and I did not realize that, for Ira, it had changed into love.

"I am sorry Ira." I murmured.

"You are the last person I'd want to lose in my life." She revolted and hugged me hard.

I could feel the warmth of her body and breath. Ira was a bomb and was an allure to anyone's eyes. My friends were jealous that I was friends with her and often pushed me to get into a relationship with her. She plunged her 32C into my chest and my hand automatically rolled over her buttocks as usual. Her embrace was strong and somewhere deep inside I did not want her to leave me at that moment.

However, I knew I did not love her and wanted a lot from my life. I wanted to be big and famous. I held her but in fear. Fear, that I might hurt her and it would be intentional for she hadn't disclosed her feelings for me but deep within I knew that she had fallen in love with me.

"I love you." I said not wanting to hurt her anymore. Trying to be responsible enough and willing to lead my life on the path she chooses for us.

"I love you too Abhay but you cannot just go into eve teasing other guys' girls. It's inappropriate." She managed out of my clutches and looked into my eyes.

"If you just wanna have sex, we can find someone for you but promise me you'll never do anything like this ever again." I started to think, 'What is she saying?' I could see her eyes questioning me, seeking an answer.

"What can I say Ira, I just did it for fun. Do you think I am that desperate?" I tried to sway her.

"I've been your only friend for 7 years now. I know you more than your parents do." She continued staring at me.

"No, it isn't like that. It's different, I've been kidding around all the time. You know that sweetie."

"Oh! Are you? I am so skeptical about that." She confronted me with the truth and I was baffled. I had nothing to say and was standing in front of her ashamed at myself, in despair.

"I am sorry." I blabbered.

"That's a nice way to apologize. You should be apologizing to yourself. Try and think what you really want to be in life. Don't throw your life away." She was going ballistic on me.

"I know what I want to do. Don't judge me..." I revolted, "...I don't want to be somebody's expectation and live my life at their expense." In a flash, I was back to square one. The ambitious Abhay.

"Abhay, I know you're very talented and smart. I adore you for that but I don't want you to die because of all your ruts. You need to grow up." Ira smartly caught hold of my Achilles' heel. "You're the only person I have whom I can deeply trust. At times, I ponder upon the question that I might lose you and that day would be the saddest in my life."

'Knock Knock...' 

Saving You

I know you're weak but I love you.
It hurts me to see you get my share of love.

I know they love me too but I cannot feel it now.
I am sad, in despair, what should I do?

I lied to you once, it was for your own good.
Though am not happy about it, the pain will accrue.

They were too weak and I am not so strong myself,
I took your responsibility, I only wanted you to better.

I betrayed when you trusted me the most.
I'm sorry about it, have nothing to say.

They took you to the hospital and exposed your couture,
I held them in grief, thinking if I'd ever meet you again.

They told me you'll be fine, I wasn't so sure.
I loved you so much, I couldn't stop crying.

But you have won the battle of fate,

And brought glory to my life, our life.

See the change, this decision has brought to your life.

The agony, the pain, it all has rushed apart.

The best in you.

I think of the time where I have mercilessly felt depressed, lost or even dead at times.

Hard times, as we like to call them.

Hard because our mind is unable to think or act. It’s hard because we lose the capability of exercising our thoughts. Hard because we feel that we are stuck somewhere and become claustrophobic. We think that getting out of the situation is impossible. We presume that it’s the limit and a dead end to the road. We are agitated, distraught, off balance and we completely lose track of what we are doing or what we want to do. We do things that we haven't done before just in order to feel some change, on the good side.

In such times, we forget what we are capable of. We have lost our confidence and are shattered. They say desperate time calls for desperate measures. They say it right but they also forget that the desperate time is actually the time where one can leverage the learning opportunity. It is the time to expand one's horizon and go for the kill.

The best in you lies within. You are the best and no one can beat you except for yourself. It doesn't matter if you are cheated or betrayed in any phase of life. Faith keeps the hope alive; hope ignites the fuel and rekindles the energy within you. Liberate the fear and fulfill your desires for you are the one for yourself, you are the driving force and none but you can make yourself win this situation.

In life, people will always tell you that you have made a mistake. They’ll tell you that you’re mistaken at this point but they’ll never acknowledge your efforts and the goods that you do. You just can’t afford to take it. However, it is only you who can convince you that you are the reason behind everything, be it good or bad and only you can make a change happen. Change is good and is inevitable. One cannot defy the nature’s law for it will complete its circle. It is difficult to accept the truth but one who accepts it comes out as a winner. Not many people will tell you the good things about you but you must respect those who do. Life is a strategic imbalance. The more you try to understand it, the complex it gets. The more you try to solve it, the more intangible it gets. It’s like a web that seems comprehendible but only the spider, God – the one who has built it, knows it intricacies. However, with concentration and meditation one can easily unravel the mystery. You just have to believe that the best lies within you, rest will follow.

Smoking Ugly

I started walking tonight,

With a kretek in my hand.

I smelled it and lit the match,

and put it on my lips.

The flame kept fighting with me,

I burnt the kretek's tip.

And as I dragged it, my heart feared.

the sweet taste on my lips smeared.

The smoke went inside,

through larynx, into my lungs.

It tasted so good,

my head swerved, my heart jumped.

I dragged another puff,

I started laughing to myself.

Someone come and rescue me,

Wait! I don't need no help.

I looked at the red tip,

seeing it burn into ashes, I felt.

Is it the cigarette,

or my life burning to hell?

I closed my starry eyes,

and went into flashback.

Am I not the person who I was?

or was I not the person who I am?

The early days were better,

but until when?

It's time to move ahead,

my life has just begun.

I threw the kretek right then,

my thoughts saved me today.

Lying on the ground it burnt,

angry and in dismay.

Valentino Death

You must be wondering why such a horrid title on such an exquisite day, a day when all the people around the world are celebrating love, sharing it and spreading it all over.

My name is Bill and it started about three and a half years ago. Yes, I fell in love too, three and a half years in the past from now. There was this girl named Tashi (it’s a combination of her two different names).

Falling in love with her was a strange coincidence. Love is indeed strange. The first time I met her was at her place with my friends. I had been to VaishnoDevi and she had asked me for offerings to god. I did exactly the same and went to her place to give her the prasad. When she came out, I was mesmerized with her beauty. Her hair was unbraided and to me she seemed like a mermaid in her yellow top. On my way to college, my friends kept on asking about her. I hushed them.

Things just fell in place then and in a knack of time of knowing each other we were together in a relationship. She was my first love and the feeling, Surreal. The strangest and the coolest thing in our relationship was that we never dated out, except for a couple of times. I always used to visit her place and meet her there itself. I was happy that I could see her so I didn't mind it at all. Since she was studying in an engineering college outside the city, I used to visit her place only when she was in town.

One fine day she complained to me, "You never give me flowers?"
A few days later when I met her I gave her a bunch of roses. She was exulted and I was happy to see her beaming.

We went through such wonderful experiences in life. I went out of touch with my friends, not because I didn't want to talk to them but since I was glued to the fact that Tashi was the most amazing part of my life. I was so lost in the awe of her presence that I lost touch with all my friends. Life was on a roller-coaster ride and months lapsed. Not every couple is perfect and so weren't Tashi and I. We started on fighting, from petty issues to bigger ones. I never imagined that she would leave me, for I believed so much in her love that it never did let me, even to think about us falling apart. We went through breakups umpteen number of times but I always knew that we wouldn't stay apart for long. We always used to fight, stopped talking to each other and eventually after a few days of discontent, were together again. This brought me even more closely to her and made my love for her even stronger. I got addicted to Tashi and by now she was my drug.

A year had passed; my university exams approached and shook me from Tashi's exotic fragrance and the most pious feeling of love. But it wasn't enough; I appeared in the examination with least preparation. I was immature, stupe and in love. I was in Delhi when my results were about to be declared. Even Tashi and I were going through a rough patch. I had been to Delhi to redeem a gift that my sister had won in an MTV contest, a fully paid trip to Dhanaulti, a place near Hrishikesh. On the eve of the start of my trip, my results were declared and eventually I flunked. I was broken, discouraged. I immediately called up my dad to tell him what blunder I had committed. Instead of scolding me, he told me not to worry about it and rather asked me if I still wanted to carry on with the trip. I could not; I just could not, I knew I didn't deserve it, so I dropped the plan. The second call that I made was to Tashi, for she was the most important person in my life after my family. I told her that I could not clear the examinations. At first, she couldn't believe me but my damped voice assured her of the fact. She reminded me that she had already warned me about it, and then she asked for my plans. I didn't have any clue as I did not know. After talking to her for another two minutes I hung up the phone. I couldn't look into my sister's eyes.

One day later I decided to come back to Lucknow. I told my sister that I would catch a train from New Delhi station, but went to Ghaziabad since Tashi's college was close to the city. I went straight up to her; due to depression I had already caught fever and was being asphyxiated. She took me to the coffee bar and I got a cup of coffee there but couldn't drink it. She told me she would not talk to me for next six months. I ascertained her that what had happened will not happen in the future. But I guess she had already decided. A few days hence after I reached Lucknow, Tashi broke up with me. I broke apart, wanting to cry but was deprived of tears and in pain. For next fifteen days I was in bed, down with fever. I had gained a feeling that this was for real but still I didn't give up pleasing her. Again and Again, I tried to convince her to come back to me, but fate had ordained and her will prevailed. My mermaid left me and went back into the sea.

I kept on looking for one way or the other to get her back. I bought her gifts (which I never did before) and when I did that, she questioned me

"Why now? You never gave me gifts when we were together."
"I never thought you would leave. I have spent all the money that I had, Please come back." I looked at her expecting her to forgive me.

She took my gifts but didn't accede to get back in a relationship with me. I couldn't help thinking about her. Months later I came to know that she is in a relationship with some Punjabi boy in her college whom, her classmates believed looked like me. I felt betrayed and cheated. I said all the mean and horrendous things to her that I could. Certain horrid things, which could make anyone, feel disgusted. I went through the trauma and succumbed myself into studies. I scored 15% more than my last year's percentage. My family was happy about it, especially Dad.

I decided to move on in life then. By fall of next year I met another girl in my college. She was going through the same phase that I had already been through a year ago. We went into a relationship but I couldn't give my love to her. It was due to her that I could understand Tashi now. I decided to be friends with Tashi and contacted her. Besides, I left the other girl in my college broken apart and I feel sorry for what I did to her.

It is me now after going through so much and doing all the good and bad things together, sitting here in my room and enjoying my singleness. I just wished Tashi a "HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY" and she told me how she relished the valentine's eve with the love of her life. I'm happy to see her happy in whatever way she is and delighted to know that she still has someone to give her love to.

For me, this is the Death of Valentine as I'm sitting here all alone with no date for today. Just to mention,



I am alone but not lonely.
P.S. I LOVE YOU :-)



P.S. Sorry for the long post, I just kept on writing and didn't realize it.