Urge: Part 4

Abhay and Ira are best friends but their long been friendship has turned into something more for Ira. Abhay has a notion that Ira has fallen in love with him but he also has to fulfil his dad's hopes. After being hospitalised (as a result of eve-teasing) for several days, he decides to move to Venice in order to advance his dad's business. How will the story turn for Abhay and Ira? Will Abhay's departure urge Ira to confess her feelings for him? Or will she sacrifice her love for his dad's ambitions? Find out below -

"Is everything packed? All Set." Dad questioned me.

He was on cloud nine after knowing that I've agreed moving to Venice to further his business plans.

"Yes Dad!" I sheepishly looked at Ira who was sitting on the couch.

She had accompanied dad to receive me from the hospital. I was finally getting discharged after 5 long days. The doctors advised me to avoid alcohol and going out for at least another week. Damn! so many things have happened since last week and my liver could really use some alcohol, yet! I couldn't. I was still thinking about Ira. She hadn't reacted or expressed anything after my decision to move to Venice. I badly wanted her to say something or talk to me.

"What happened?" Grabbing my stuff, dad questioned me.

Realising I was staring at point blank, I responded back to him, "Nothing. Let's go!"

Dad left the room quickly and I looked at Ira. She followed dad but didn't utter a word. Perplexed, I followed her too.

On our way out, I questioned her, "So, you're not gonna say anything?"

"What's there to say?" Finally, I heard her voice.

"I shared the biggest decision of my life with you and yet you don't have anything to say?"

Ira stopped and turned around, "What do you want me to say?", She looked furious.

I was taken aback by Ira's reaction. I was still trying to find a response to her reaction while she continued -

"I am happy for you and I will always support you. I supported you when you first bunked your school. I supported you when you had your first cigarette. I even supported you when you cheated on Chitra..."

"...Chitra was cheating on me." I retaliated.

"...which does not give you the right to cheat on her. You've been the male chauvinist of the highest level and yet I have supported you all my life. I will truly always do so until you start digging a grave for yourself which I would not support and would rather die before you drag yourself in such a situation."

"Ira. I am sorry. I know I went too far with that guy's girl, I shouldn't have. I know you've been mad at me but please don't take this as an opportunity to lash out on me. I have always known that you're the best friend I will ever have."

I went ahead and wrapped my hands around her. She stayed calm.

"I am sorry." I re-iterated.

She opened her arms and hugged me back tightly with the fear of losing me. I could sense it.

Meanwhile, dad peeped from the elevator and shouted from down the lobby, "Guys, control yourself until you get home. It wouldn't be safe doing it in the hospital."

Once again, we were embarrassed by the father. We let go of each other but held hands and started walking towards the elevator. While we entered, I noticed dad had a smug smile on his face. As the lift doors were closing, he signalled me 'Well Done' by tapping me on my shoulder. I gave him a disgruntled look. Ira looked at me from the corner of her eye and looked satisfied. Suddenly, we all started laughing in unison.

Dad dropped us home. Ajay bhaiya, was anxiously waiting at the door for my arrival. Ajay bhaiya was our household help. He has been staying with us even before I had gained worldly sense. He was really kind and has helped me through all phases of my life. He took care of all our house needs from daily chores to buying groceries to watering the garden and making sure I get anything I need.

"Bhaiya, how are you?" Ajay bhaiya, smiling, asked me in a happy tone.

I smiled back, "I am good now. It was a really long week. Can you please make something awesome to eat? I think many of my taste buds would have become dead already."

As we walked inside the house, Ajay bhaiya carried my bags and replied, "Sure, Sure!"

We went straight to my room - "Bhaiya, please keep it here..." Signalling him to keep the bags next to the table, "...I will do the rest."

Still smiling with joy, Ajay bhaiya nodded and kept my bags besides the table. He went on towards the kitchen to prepare something to eat.

I took off my shoes and put some music on while Ira sat on the chair next to my, seldom used, study table. I jumped on the bed and turned on the AC, it was smothering hot.

Ira and I started looking at each other when I asked her, "You must be tired too, come here. Relax."

She promptly stood up and laid down on the bed next to me. She was tapping her leg. I knew something was bothering her.

"Are you gonna tell me what is it?" I probed her.

"Nothing yar, I am just tired of all that has happened this week. You and your stupid mistakes."

"Ma'am, I have pleaded guilty for my crimes and I have already apologised."

"It's not about you Abhay. Don't feel so important all the time. Right since you've told me about moving to Venice, I've been contemplating about my life. I really need to do something about it. I feel stuck right now."

"Ira, I know you're a strong woman. Don't worry too much, you will get the job you interviewed for last month. The process takes time. I am sure you will get the offer." I turned towards her side to hold her arm in order to console her. She took a leap and we started cuddling each other.

She stood up and rested her head in my arms while I started stroking her hair. It was a gentle feeling, a feeling of calm.

She looked at me and demanded, "You will call me on a daily basis after you leave. I don't care whether you're busy in meetings or visiting clients or whatever it would take you to do your job. Don't you dare forget to talk to me."

I looked into her eyes and responded, "I won't forget. You don't have to say it." and went ahead to kiss her lips.

Ira felt exalted. She turned around and started smooching me while sitting upright. We were lip-locked and couldn't control our urges. I had my arms wrapped around her body.

She started to unbutton my shirt and it didn't take me to think twice to take her top off. We were dying to get inside of each other, not that we hadn't done it before. However, It was just different this time. We were far too emotional and we knew that our souls needed each other badly.

I reached out and unhooked her bra while she was still on top of me. She felt a bit shy this time and crouched a little. I calmed her and held her from her back and went on to turn positions. Our bodies were hot, we could literally feel every bit of our skin. We went on to smooch each other, we were really sweating. I reached out to my side table where I usually kept the contraceptives but Ira resisted and nodded her head in disapproval. I was confused that she didn't want to use the condom but I gave in as well.

We were really comfortable in each other's body. As if we were made for each other. There was no questioning, no arguments, just sheer joy and pleasure of being inside each other. It was certainly the most amazing moments of my life. Once we were done, we stayed on to lay on bed in each other's arms, caressing each other.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"Bhaiya, I've made samosas for you."

"Ajay bhaiya, wait! We will come downstairs."

"Okay. I'll serve it on the table. Please hurry up." He was quick to revert and leave.

We freshened up and dressed back to go downstairs but didn't say a thing to each other other than looking into each other's eyes and smiling. I was really happy that we were able to cope the distance that had started to pull us apart. What happened today wasn't unusual but surely mesmerising. We were better and stronger than ever.

Urge: Part-3

Abhay, a delhi based womaniser, lands up in a hospital while eve teasing a man's girlfriend. However, after being prostrate for a couple of days he goes into an argument with his best friend Ira (who is in love with Abhay.) Abhay realizes Ira's love for him but wants more from life - Fame and Respect. What's next in Abhay's life? Is he going to throw his aspirations away and lead his way into love or is he going to hurt his best friend's feeling and trust? Find out below -

3 hours and 37 minutes later, I finally decided what to do about it.

"Ira...Ira" I shouted on top of my voice.

I waited for a while and shouted again, "Ira…"

The nurse quickly came running in.

"What happened?" She questioned me in shock.

"Where's Ira? Can you please call Ira?"

"What happened?" She questioned me again.

"Will you please call her for me?"

The nurse hurried out on her way to find Ira.

I kept waiting. The nurse didn't turn up again. 15 minutes went by. I shouted again,

"Nurse..."

Another nurse succumbed to my shouts and came in - "She went home to freshen up. Will be back in an hour or so." She told me in a bitterly tone and lashed out.

Another 2 hours went by and I was losing my patience.

Finally I could hear Ira chattering with the nurses outside of my ward. I got my grip back.

I bursted on Ira as soon as she entered the ward -

"How could you leave me?"

"I just..."

"What just? You don't get to leave me Ira."

"What? Don't I get to take a bath just because you're hospitalized? I am neither your mom nor your wife. You should be thankful that at least of all people I am here." She came back at me.

"So now best friends shit is done, is it? You wanna be my wife to be around me, huh?"

"Shit. That's what it is for you. That's how you treat everyone around you, right?"

"You're misunderstanding. It's not shit for me. You just need to be with me."

"Well you just said it." Ira expelled herself out of the ward.

I felt really sorry for being a dick yet again. Even though I knew she'd be back before dusk. I just wanted to share my decision with her. She's always been the first to know.

Ira did not return that day. I tried her number multiple times only to find it switched off. Anxiety and medicines were killing me.

I texted her - "Come back soon, not feeling good. Sorry."

The message didn't get delivered. I kept waiting for Ira's call and didn't realize when I dozed off again.

Suddenly, I woke up to my phone ringing only to find it was 11.15pm, figuring I slept for another 6 hours. I don't know if it were medications that were really strong or just me. I dug my head under the quilt and pulled out the mobile from my pocket, it was dad's call.

"Hello."

"Hey champ! You're alive." He chuckled.

"Yeah dad! Your responsibilities aren't over yet."

"Well, I have responsibilities of a lot more people who work for me. Anyway, just called in to check if doctors aren't releasing you yet."

"Nope. I'm still here. Ira isn't here and I've been sleeping all day long."

"I know. I called 2 hours back and your nurse answered the call, told me you were sleeping. Believe me, her husky voice really made me want to come over but my meetings are keeping me occupied. If not for you, will come there for her as soon as possible." He started laughing.

"Dad! Anything else?" I was starting to feel frustrated.

"Nope. Have dinner and take your meds. I'll try to visit tomorrow."

"Fine. Bye." I hung up the phone.

I pulled my head out of the quilt to head for the washroom. As I slid sideways, I saw Ira sitting on the couch patiently with her legs folded and hands on her knees. She was looking at me. Watching me getting out of the bed she exclaimed -

"Where?"

There was an instant happiness around me. I started to feel better.

"Washroom." I smiled and answered.

She didn't smile back but I limped to the washroom with the happiness of her being around.

I took profound 3 minutes in the washroom. 1 to pee and other 2 minutes to smile, thinking about Ira. I was indeed lucky to have a friend like her.

"When did you come? I can't believe you switched off your phone." I questioned Ira while shutting the washroom door.

"My battery died. I didn't switch it off."

"You run on batteries?" I started laughing but soon realised I was the only one.

"I came around 2 hours back." She responded as I walked towards her.

"What? Should have woke me up."

She kept quiet.

I stretched my hand to pull a chair but she came forth and insisted me to sit on the couch with her.

I didn't say anything. A silence had caught both of us. She wrapped herself around my hand and leaned her head on my shoulder.

"Ira. I'm sorry." I finally broke the silence between us.

She was quiet.

"I'm joining my father's business. I've decided."

Ira let my hand go and stood straight but she was still quiet.

"I saw tears in my dad's eyes today. It's the last thing I want. I don't want to be the reason of pain and agony in his life. I'm the only family he's left with after mom passed away."

"What about me?" Ira said with a perplexed face.

"You're family too Ira. You have to take care of him after I move to Venice."

"Venice!" She exclaimed.

"Yes, Venice. Remember dad had ventured there recently. He told me that the city has a lot of potential but he isn't able to give it much time..."

"... I'm gonna take care of that and make sure he achieves his dream."

Ira nodded but didn't say anything further.

We stayed on the couch for a while until the nurse arrived with dinner and medicines.

"I really don't wanna eat this food. Can I just have medicines please?" I couldn't resist the expression looking at the hospital food.

"You can only if you wanna stay in the hospital for another week?" The nurse gave me a smirk.

She pulled the table next to the couch and laid the spread on the table. Mashed boiled potatoes, porridge and fresh cut fruits.

I hated fruits.

Ira stayed with me until I had finished my meal and made sure that I have taken all my medicines. She made bed for me and gestured me to get under the quilt. I followed her signal.

"You wanna hop in? I can make some space." I giggled like a girl.

"No. Take rest. I'll go home. See you tomorrow."

"Wait for a while at least." I wanted her to stay back

"I have to take care of some work. Don't worry, I'll be back tomorrow." She responded.

She took her bag and left the ward. I kept staring at the door thinking if the idea of me going to Venice broke Ira but on the second thought, she said she'll be back tomorrow.

I picked up the phone and texted her -

"Good Night. :)"

"Good night." She texted back instantly.

I went on to break the news to dad regarding my decision -

"I'll go to Venice." I texted him.

5 minutes later, he responded, "Awesome."

I carried mixed emotions. I was happy that I was going to be dad's helping hand but I was also relenting thinking about Ira. I didn't know if I was making the right decision, only time will tell.

Urge - Part 2

Abhay, a delhi based womaniser, lands up in a hospital while eve teasing a man's girlfriend. However, after being prostrate for a couple of days he goes into an argument with his best friend Ira (who is in love with Abhay.) Abhay realizes Ira's love for him but wants more from life - Fame and Respect. What's next in Abhay's life? Is he going to throw his aspirations away and lead his way into love or is he going to hurt his best friend's feeling and trust? Find out below - 

'Knock Knock...' It was my dad's knuckles that knocked my wardroom. I made out from the sound on the door.

Ira and I together looked towards the door wondering if our conversation was compromised.

"May I come in, my rockstar?" Dad inquired.

"Hi Dad! Please don't embarrass us." I smiled at him still thinking if he heard us.

My dad was one gem of a person, rarely found. A business tycoon who always had something running on his mind. There wasn't a single minute when he was not working. The glare in his eyes was one reasons for me being so ambitious. He was my idol, my role model. The most intelligent, cool and daring man I've ever met. Every time I had a moment in my life that had confused me, my dad would have an answer to it. The best part was that he always had time for me despite of him being such a busy person.

"Are you two having fun?" He came up with his usual comment. He always had a knack of teasing Ira and me whether or not we are doing anything. 

And I replied with my usual, a bit manipulated though, "Yeah! dad, what's better than having fun in a hospital. It has always been my fantasy."

"Just keep the sheets clean Rocky." He bursted out making Ira uncomfortable.

Even though dad had a notion that Ira and I had experimented with our sexuality together, he wasn't too sure. So, he'd tease us so that he could get some juice out of it but his coccus attempts always go in vain.

Dad walked up to Ira, "How are you sweetheart?"

"Good as always uncle, how are you?" Ira hugged and gave a peck on my dad's cheek.

It was something she always did and I had always adored. These two people showing love to each other. Even though dad used to tease Ira and me on our face, Ira knew he had a clean heart and have always respected him for being himself and not a phony. The moment these two hug each other has always been mesmerizing and serene for me. It was magical because it was pure and had no deceit involved.

Dad came up to me, opened up my still-black-eye with his hand, "This should take another week I guess, how are rest of the things? I've been visiting consistently but you just didn't want to wake up. I guess your friend has more powerful connection with you than I do. So, here we are."

"All is fine dad."

"Your dad has been worried Abhay. Everyone attached to you have been." She scornfully gazed at me.

"Ok enough, I am alive. Don't make me feel as if I have resurrected."

All three of us started laughing in unison.

Dad took a deep breath and held me by my shoulders, "You'll be fine rockstar. You're my boy."

"I'm sorry dad. Never ever..." My words made him turn his steps, he stopped as if he would turn around and say something to me but then walked out of the room. I could see his eyes reddened. It was the first time I had seen him in such a state. I realized I had seriously made an obnoxious mistake.

I looked towards Ira, she whispered, "I told you."

I was sad. Ira left the room knowing that I needed a time out. She always used to leave me alone in my desperate times for she knew that I required solitude to get over the dingy feelings. She also knew that if there would be anything still bothering me she would be the first person to be conversant. Such was our friendship.

Dad had startled me and doubled my concerns. I was already thinking about Ira and now dad being sad. I just could not take it. There were two things attached to it - 

A. I cannot discuss Ira with Ira.

B. I had seen dad sad, for the first time in my life, and only I had to change it.

I had to make a decision.

3 hours and 37 minutes later, I finally decided what to do about it.

Urge - Part 1

"Why were you looking at her?" He questioned me furiously.

"I wasn't looking at her man, I swear to God!" I rebuked.

"Oh, Ok. In that case, I am really sorry." He apologized and started to return to his girlfriend (or perhaps may be wife.)

"To be honest, I was looking at her ass, nice cute rounds." I winked at him, cunningly.

Bam!!!

A punch, right across my face that is all I remember of that day. Next, when I opened up my eyes was in a hospital ward with a glucose drip pinned on my arm.

I did remember arguing to the fat guy(most intimidating biceps I ever saw), that I was born with two eyes and I have a right to perceive things and enjoy the delicacies of life and nature. And yes, he did try to hit me back but I was later on told that I went unconscious right after the punch and the guy was pulled over by security, a hell of a dream. The guy dropped by two days back to apologize but I was asleep.

"Wait, what? Two days?" I went startled, "I've been unconscious for two days?"

"Three days...", looking at her watch, "...and 8 hours, to be specific." Ira, my most loving friend, replied (friend indeed, not girlfriend as you may think.)

"3 and almost a half day? I am surely not that weak. You know that Ira." I took the support of our subtle intimate coalescences.

"Of course not.." She smiled and winked at me.

"...You had shed too much blood. The bleeding must have caused weakness in your body and on top of that, all this morphine and antibiotics. Docs had a notion that you might sleep for another 2 days."

"Are you kidding me? Huh!" I obnoxiously questioned her.

However, to my dismay, she did not reply. It was altogether a different show of Ira's body language. She seemed uncomfortable.

I flee off my bed to her, my legs were numb and I limped. She ran towards me and held me..

"Don't...” she said in a disturbed voice.

"Why?" I questioned her before she could even finish her statement.

"The doctors said that you could go into coma..", tears started to roll off her face and I could feel the intensity of her concern.

'I am an asshole', I said to myself watching Ira shed tears. I know she didn't want to lose me, neither did I. We had something in our friendship. There was a bond we had developed over the span of our acquaintance and I did not realize that, for Ira, it had changed into love.

"I am sorry Ira." I murmured.

"You are the last person I'd want to lose in my life." She revolted and hugged me hard.

I could feel the warmth of her body and breath. Ira was a bomb and was an allure to anyone's eyes. My friends were jealous that I was friends with her and often pushed me to get into a relationship with her. She plunged her 32C into my chest and my hand automatically rolled over her buttocks as usual. Her embrace was strong and somewhere deep inside I did not want her to leave me at that moment.

However, I knew I did not love her and wanted a lot from my life. I wanted to be big and famous. I held her but in fear. Fear, that I might hurt her and it would be intentional for she hadn't disclosed her feelings for me but deep within I knew that she had fallen in love with me.

"I love you." I said not wanting to hurt her anymore. Trying to be responsible enough and willing to lead my life on the path she chooses for us.

"I love you too Abhay but you cannot just go into eve teasing other guys' girls. It's inappropriate." She managed out of my clutches and looked into my eyes.

"If you just wanna have sex, we can find someone for you but promise me you'll never do anything like this ever again." I started to think, 'What is she saying?' I could see her eyes questioning me, seeking an answer.

"What can I say Ira, I just did it for fun. Do you think I am that desperate?" I tried to sway her.

"I've been your only friend for 7 years now. I know you more than your parents do." She continued staring at me.

"No, it isn't like that. It's different, I've been kidding around all the time. You know that sweetie."

"Oh! Are you? I am so skeptical about that." She confronted me with the truth and I was baffled. I had nothing to say and was standing in front of her ashamed at myself, in despair.

"I am sorry." I blabbered.

"That's a nice way to apologize. You should be apologizing to yourself. Try and think what you really want to be in life. Don't throw your life away." She was going ballistic on me.

"I know what I want to do. Don't judge me..." I revolted, "...I don't want to be somebody's expectation and live my life at their expense." In a flash, I was back to square one. The ambitious Abhay.

"Abhay, I know you're very talented and smart. I adore you for that but I don't want you to die because of all your ruts. You need to grow up." Ira smartly caught hold of my Achilles' heel. "You're the only person I have whom I can deeply trust. At times, I ponder upon the question that I might lose you and that day would be the saddest in my life."

'Knock Knock...' 

चल मुसाफिर

इन सुनसान गलियों में,
क्यों ढूँढता है अजनबी,
जीने का इरादा तो था,
पर मौत के बहाने ढूँढ़ते है!!

ऐ मुसाफिर सुन भी ले,
क्यों राह तक रहा है तू?
उन सुनसान रास्तो का,
है मर्ज़ भी यहीं कहीं!!

चल पढ़ निकल तू भी कहीं,
यह रास्ते तेरे नहीं,
है मंजिलें अलग तेरी,
तू चल युहीं, तू चल युहीं!!

कुछ पूछते कुछ बूझते,
है फ़िक्र भी उन्हें कोई,
तू किसलिए थमा हुआ?
निकल अभी, निकल अभी!!

मायाजाल

कुछ कम में खुश है,

कुछ सब पा के भी खुश नहीं.

किसी के लिए दो रोटी ही बहुत है,

पर किसी को मीठा ज़रूरी.

ज़िन्दगी थमती नहीं है,

चाहाते आधी हो या पूरी.

लोग मिल जाते है अक्सर,

कुछ गलत, कुछ सही.

रास्ते खुद बन जाते है,

जब मंजिलें हो सही.

अँधेरे का भी मज़ा कुछ और होता है,

एक धीमी सी आहट, और गहरा सन्नाटा.

और बिजली का कड़कना,

वो हवाओं का चलना.

थिमथिमाता हुआ सावन.

रिमझिम, रिमझिम.

इच्छाएं खत्म नहीं होती,

चाहे जितना भी मिल जाए.

और और की लोलुपता में,

फंसा हुआ है इंसान.

मांगो मिटटी,

तो मिलता है सोना.

और सोना मांगे,

तो होता रोना.

यह माया का जाल है,

यह अकडन की चाल.

डूबेगी यह ज़िन्दगी,

बिछा है मायाजाल.

Seeketh, Thou Findeth Her

She's the music,

she is the pain.

I wanna hold her hand,

and jump in the rain.

I dream of her,

all night and day.

Her curly hair,

my heart's her prey.

She's a rhyme,

she's a song.

I'll keep her in my arms,

all night long.

They say love is a game,

and I wanna gamble.

It's in the shine of your eyes,

that I'm entangled.

Quite possibly,

a day will come.

When you'll be here,

and we'll clung.

The songs I've sung,

are meant for you.

Baby its you,

for I love you.

Her golden skin,

and innocence.

Make her seem even beautiful,

natural evanescence.

I always see her back,

but she never turns around.

In that blue raincoat,

she makes my heart sink down.

To keep looking at her,

is my only dream.

She's the only one,

she's my final dream.

Scribbling Love

What do writers do?

Blabber, Blabber and Blabber more.

Well actually,

They Scribble, Scribble and Scribble more.

So, this night brings me to more scribbling and blabbering. I will write more shit and continue to write it until death separates me from writing. Well, that simply means you'll have to bear me and my hogwash for the rest of my life and possibly yours as well. Tonight, I am not going to talk about love, I am not going to talk about God and I am not at all going to talk about success or failure.

I will keep it plain and simple.

Well, not exactly my style. ;-)

Love, as we call it. Isn't it crucifying? We keep on thinking about love, long for it and keep waiting for it to happen. What a strange four letter word that plays with our testosterone and estrogen, makes us go weak in our knees and feel butterflies in our stomach. Is it love? Or is it just a psychological disruption? I second my second thought. Psychological it seems to me, after that I have been in love, undergone a heartbreak, fallen in love again and again... and again. It just doesn't stop and it never happened that I was ever in love with two women at a particular point of time. Well, I am no prerogative for having falling in love over and again. I just have a psychological belief that love exists and I keep on expecting to receive it. I see someone, talk to her and in a blink of eye I know that she can be the one or not. I, then, turn my pursuits on and approach. Now I don’t know if that is love or not. However, that is.

When I can strenuously and consistently believe in the existence of God, how can I not believe in love with the same passion? People say love is about understanding each other. I question, if love is all about understanding each other then what is compromising? Isn't understanding the other person's will and suppressing your own, compromising? She likes coffee and I like tea but I am having coffee just because she likes it, is a compromise. Where as love is when he/she prepares a cup of coffee and tea, and they have it together. Well, this stands as a very understated example of a subject that has a much wider scope. A similar example cannot hold good in case of buying a car or perhaps something else.

When you fall in love with a girl, at first she says - "I just want you to love me all my life." And then -

'I want that dress.', 'I want to meet your family.', 'I want to marry you.','I want the TV remote.', 'I want kids.', 'I want a house.', a new car...and on and on and on ...

Then she finally says (something that I call confessing) - 'I want a life.'

Horrid no? People call it a crazy sweet little thing called love.

If I have to summarize love, it would take me a lot more than just a few words and it would take me really, really long to express it. However, I will summarize love in some ugly true words.

Love is - Compromising with yourself for someone else. It is living for the other person and doing what he/she wants. Love is suppressing your own feelings for others. Love is essential. Like I said, love is, strange and crucifying.

They say love is surreal. Love is, but we make it surreal.

I Want You

Baby, you make me mad. You make me desperate.

Baby, I want you. Baby, I do.

You are the only one now, I have no other desire.

You are my single dream - for my life, entire.

I wanna have you now, I wanna be with you.

I don't care what they say. You are my bird flu.

No matter what happens, I'll surely find you.

Losing you - I won't let. I will come, get you through.

Baby, You're mine, mine. None other, but you.

You are my daily rhyme. I wanna sing you new.

I will be with you, I will always be.

With you in my hands, life will be freely free.

The FB Love Story

It started when I had seen you,
I was a little afraid and you were a little shy.

The next morning I woke up,
I thought it was a dream, a wry.

But when I saw you again,
I was flabbergasted.

I was still thinking and numb,
but it did, it lasted.

You were a reality,you were true.
I kept looking at you. You, you.

Baby I fell in love with you and I didn't know,
I wanted to take control, I wanted to be slow.

My steady steps, moved towards you.
I stopped, looked around, thought I'd facebook you.

I sent you a message first and waited for your reply,
And when I got it, I shouted "Aye! Aye!"

Your legs were lovely, that tattooed skin.
The sand gleamed, it looked akin.

That photoshopped picture, it looked lovely.
but could have managed the contrast.

I know that's a party picture,
I hope you had a blast.

Baby I fell in love with you,
There, right there.

Ok let me be frank with you,
It was your hair.

I tried slow, but couldn't control.
I stumbled, I crawled.

My mind boggled,
My thoughts brawled.

Next I clicked on your photo album link,
saw your lovely pictures, I blinked.

Joy, joy and joy.
I said, "Oh! You forgot to reply boy."

I waited for the next notification, thought it was yours.
My boss had facebooked me, "Have you done all chores?"

I said, "what the fuck Boss, why are you alive?"
The next notification and my boss survives.

I thought the dream was coming true,
No! the truth was becoming a dream.

I took the next step,
Damn! I stepped on my shaving cream.

We talked for a while, and I liked your status messages,
I liked your likes, the comments, the pages.

I poked your friend one day,
and then the problem began.

OK, I'm gonna cut it short,
We fought, your feelings ran

You ignored me, I tried.
Didn't want to hear me, my heart fried

Now I'm hurt and I'm walking away.
My eyes, my tears, away they pray.

You signed out from the chat,
I kept refreshing your profile.

I thought I wouldn't say,
Will go away for a while.

But you didn't come back baby.
I cried, I cried.

So I removed you from my friend list,
Why did I have to try?

You'll wake up in the morning and I'll not be there.
Baby I'm gone, So long !!

How Much I Love

I wish I could just melt your heart,
and make you love me.

Dreaming about you in the lonely night,
makes me so happy.

Holding your hand for the first time,
Oh! that anxious moment.

It tickled me all over,
just the brush of your hair.

The waiting for you to come down,
when time ticked off quickly.

Loving you is I can't stop,
Yes, am mad about you.

The way you walk,
and sit and talk.

My breath's held,
for the deepest sigh.

The transition,
happened so quickly.

From just another girl I met,
to the one for me.

I wish we were in school together,
I would have glanced at you from the corner seat.

Would have given you candies all day,
chewing them you'd have stained your shirt.

Sitting beside you,
and caressing your hair.

Then you'd have known,
how much I love.

It's just for you,
It's only love.

The place I've never been to

There's no sign of dust,

the leaves are lemon green.

A white bird came close to me,

and sang in my ears.

A dark bench in the park,

that rusted in the rain.

That water in the pool, shining,

making wrinkles, a duck that's swerving.

When the sun shone, the clouds insured,

the snow melted, silent n' slow.

A girl sat next to the pond,

thinking about her life.

Her tender lips, mellowed

her hair, they gently flowed.

Rhymes and songs,

that scenic view.

This place,

Where I have come,

Is it the one I wanted to?

Is it my wonderland?

am so much made,

for this place, I say.

This is the only,

My lovely way.

I love to be in this new world,

but that girl, I love her curls.

I thank you god,

for this utopia.

Now I have arrived, to this beautiful place.

It soothed my hysteria.

+ or -

Life is considered to be divided among different kinds of energies. Basically there are two-Positive and Negative. We are always told to concentrate on the positive energies. Often have we heard the "be positive" slogan throughout our lives. It's substantial and coherent for people, those who believe in it, to understand what it really is. However, its true gumption is not substantiated.

So, how do we differentiate energies from positive and negative?

How do we subtract bad from an assortment of good and bad?

Suppose a person who wants to buy a car but does not enough have money for it and is diffident. Now he'll attract positive feelings from a person who will encourage him that he'll be able to buy the car. Also, if he gets an increment he'll feel exulted because now his misery will end and his desire will be fulfilled. At the same time, another person who has the same dream and has enough money for it. It will not matter to him whether or not he gets a bonus because he is already in a state to buy a car.

Consider a Situation where a female rapist is assaulting a man. I know it's a bit unusual and funny but in this case if a policeman arrives at the place of incident. There will be a flow of both positive and negative energies in the air. There will be some serious course for positive energy in the man that is being assaulted where as the fear of being caught will instill the negatives in the woman.

So, the probability of an energy being positive or negative cannot be determined. One cannot say that doing this will bring positive energies towards you and hence you will attain quintessence. No, It wouldn't happen. A same situation might bring positives in some while the same incident might engross negatives into somebody else. Thus, the distinction of energies actually differs for person to person. No one can tell you exactly what is good or bad. It is you who has to decide whether a thing is good for you or is it bad for you. Different people have different sets of priorities in life and they live in different circumstances. To negate the negatives one has to think about the positives. However, it is very important to differentiate the positives from the negatives. Two situations might be good and bad for two different instances.

Remember the power is inside us and the choice is ours. It is us, the human beings who made the greatest of things in the world and the same human beings commit suicide and become a curse to life.

The choice is yours, what you want to be and the energies are inside you.

That they call love

It's a bizarre fact that 99% of the people want to be in love though people don't let on that top secret information so easily.

How many people out of 100 want to be in love?

When I asked this simple question to a number of people including friends ..

The funniest and the most bizarre answer out of some most interesting answers I got was

A.) a 1000

I thought how can a 1000 people out of 100 be in love?

Accept or deny the fact but it's true that each and every human being wants to be loved by someone or anyone. You ego might stop you from accepting this fact that in this whole world even you want to be in love.

Love is "The Inevitable".

Love will happen sooner or later. The feeling of love is surreal, for those who have felt it already know. I wouldn't say love happens only once. Love happens everytime you are willing to fall in love. Every single time you want love, it happens. It's preposterous when a person says,

"I don't want to be in love." or "Love is bullshit." or "Love is a mirage."

I agree that love is a mirage, bullshit and I believe that you don't want to be in love. But, I can also assure you that you will embrace love if it comes your way because deep inside you want it, need it and are willing for it. Love is a sweet drug. You wouldn't know what it tastes like until you try it once and once you try it out you want more, it gets on to you.

Love has it's bearing hazards as well. You may suffer from insomnia, get very healthy telephone bills. You'll do things that you hated to the core and you may even believe in things you never did. A many more love caused problems can be stated but that might only panic struck you but it's like they say,

"No pain, no gain."

Accept love, Embrace it and agree to the fact that you want to be in love. No one's going to kill you for being in love, yes, except if he is a member of Bajrang Dal or VHP or a part of any other political show offs that hate love or infact pretend to hate love. These groups include people who have girlfriends as well and believe that they do such stuff just to gain some publicity. Though all the time, they hurt people and that's because they are minions. These people don't understand thatGod created this world to inhibit love amongst us. But let's not deviate from the topic which is asking to be in love and accept the fact that you too want love.

The drug wouldn't run out but the time might. Grab love before you are too old to cherish it. Experience love before you realise that all your life you have had all the treats in the world but have missed out on the greatest dessert.

Love is and will always be.

What Drives you ??

Ups and Downs, Crash and Burns, Ice and Fire...

Heads and Tails, Life and Death, Destiny and Desires...

I have always talked about desires and how to avert from catastrophic situations and make a new path. Never did I talk about how do we achieve what we want and how to get our desires and longings fulfilled.

Well, we spend a proportionate amount of time in finding pleasure and containing ourselves into our desires. We spend around 99% of our life upon the fulfillment of our desires. Most of the time it happens that we tend to neglect things after a while of achieving that we had desired.

Yes! Most of the people will agree with me that once after we get what we want we stop caring and respecting for that house/watch/bike/car and for the matter of fact, the person as well. But the real deal is that

What drives us?

-To fulfill our desire.

-To put all our brute force into it.

-To make it really happen, et cetera.

and what really drives us apart from the same?

What is it that makes us insanely passionate to achieve something that we long for? and Why can't we keep that passion inflamed?

It is our new desires, that take upon the older ones. We know that we already have a particular thing so our attention is diverted towards other things that may tend to attract us. Well everyone knows humans are the least endangered species in the world and until humans survive desires won't die. They'll keep on convecting from one person to another. It's like a red hot iron rod blowing heat from its hot end and making us feel the warm sensation when we get close to it. Time and again whenever we get close to things that are appealing we will desire to get them. We put all our efforts into our true desires. The unused power and energy of our body, mind and soul is unleashed. The curtains of our minds are drawn and we enter into a state that forces our body to act in one certain direction that is to achieve our goal.

Our mind tells our body-

"It is that I desire and I want it."

The body responds by putting in all the efforts and making things look sublime to others.

Once the desires are achieved the purpose of the ultimate trio- Body, Mind and Soul is relished and they once again go into the hibernation mode.

This is how the cycle works. Whenever you will generate a longing, if a true one indeed, it shall be succeeded by hard work and henceforth success will succeed it.

Valentino Death

You must be wondering why such a horrid title on such an exquisite day, a day when all the people around the world are celebrating love, sharing it and spreading it all over.

My name is Bill and it started about three and a half years ago. Yes, I fell in love too, three and a half years in the past from now. There was this girl named Tashi (it’s a combination of her two different names).

Falling in love with her was a strange coincidence. Love is indeed strange. The first time I met her was at her place with my friends. I had been to VaishnoDevi and she had asked me for offerings to god. I did exactly the same and went to her place to give her the prasad. When she came out, I was mesmerized with her beauty. Her hair was unbraided and to me she seemed like a mermaid in her yellow top. On my way to college, my friends kept on asking about her. I hushed them.

Things just fell in place then and in a knack of time of knowing each other we were together in a relationship. She was my first love and the feeling, Surreal. The strangest and the coolest thing in our relationship was that we never dated out, except for a couple of times. I always used to visit her place and meet her there itself. I was happy that I could see her so I didn't mind it at all. Since she was studying in an engineering college outside the city, I used to visit her place only when she was in town.

One fine day she complained to me, "You never give me flowers?"
A few days later when I met her I gave her a bunch of roses. She was exulted and I was happy to see her beaming.

We went through such wonderful experiences in life. I went out of touch with my friends, not because I didn't want to talk to them but since I was glued to the fact that Tashi was the most amazing part of my life. I was so lost in the awe of her presence that I lost touch with all my friends. Life was on a roller-coaster ride and months lapsed. Not every couple is perfect and so weren't Tashi and I. We started on fighting, from petty issues to bigger ones. I never imagined that she would leave me, for I believed so much in her love that it never did let me, even to think about us falling apart. We went through breakups umpteen number of times but I always knew that we wouldn't stay apart for long. We always used to fight, stopped talking to each other and eventually after a few days of discontent, were together again. This brought me even more closely to her and made my love for her even stronger. I got addicted to Tashi and by now she was my drug.

A year had passed; my university exams approached and shook me from Tashi's exotic fragrance and the most pious feeling of love. But it wasn't enough; I appeared in the examination with least preparation. I was immature, stupe and in love. I was in Delhi when my results were about to be declared. Even Tashi and I were going through a rough patch. I had been to Delhi to redeem a gift that my sister had won in an MTV contest, a fully paid trip to Dhanaulti, a place near Hrishikesh. On the eve of the start of my trip, my results were declared and eventually I flunked. I was broken, discouraged. I immediately called up my dad to tell him what blunder I had committed. Instead of scolding me, he told me not to worry about it and rather asked me if I still wanted to carry on with the trip. I could not; I just could not, I knew I didn't deserve it, so I dropped the plan. The second call that I made was to Tashi, for she was the most important person in my life after my family. I told her that I could not clear the examinations. At first, she couldn't believe me but my damped voice assured her of the fact. She reminded me that she had already warned me about it, and then she asked for my plans. I didn't have any clue as I did not know. After talking to her for another two minutes I hung up the phone. I couldn't look into my sister's eyes.

One day later I decided to come back to Lucknow. I told my sister that I would catch a train from New Delhi station, but went to Ghaziabad since Tashi's college was close to the city. I went straight up to her; due to depression I had already caught fever and was being asphyxiated. She took me to the coffee bar and I got a cup of coffee there but couldn't drink it. She told me she would not talk to me for next six months. I ascertained her that what had happened will not happen in the future. But I guess she had already decided. A few days hence after I reached Lucknow, Tashi broke up with me. I broke apart, wanting to cry but was deprived of tears and in pain. For next fifteen days I was in bed, down with fever. I had gained a feeling that this was for real but still I didn't give up pleasing her. Again and Again, I tried to convince her to come back to me, but fate had ordained and her will prevailed. My mermaid left me and went back into the sea.

I kept on looking for one way or the other to get her back. I bought her gifts (which I never did before) and when I did that, she questioned me

"Why now? You never gave me gifts when we were together."
"I never thought you would leave. I have spent all the money that I had, Please come back." I looked at her expecting her to forgive me.

She took my gifts but didn't accede to get back in a relationship with me. I couldn't help thinking about her. Months later I came to know that she is in a relationship with some Punjabi boy in her college whom, her classmates believed looked like me. I felt betrayed and cheated. I said all the mean and horrendous things to her that I could. Certain horrid things, which could make anyone, feel disgusted. I went through the trauma and succumbed myself into studies. I scored 15% more than my last year's percentage. My family was happy about it, especially Dad.

I decided to move on in life then. By fall of next year I met another girl in my college. She was going through the same phase that I had already been through a year ago. We went into a relationship but I couldn't give my love to her. It was due to her that I could understand Tashi now. I decided to be friends with Tashi and contacted her. Besides, I left the other girl in my college broken apart and I feel sorry for what I did to her.

It is me now after going through so much and doing all the good and bad things together, sitting here in my room and enjoying my singleness. I just wished Tashi a "HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY" and she told me how she relished the valentine's eve with the love of her life. I'm happy to see her happy in whatever way she is and delighted to know that she still has someone to give her love to.

For me, this is the Death of Valentine as I'm sitting here all alone with no date for today. Just to mention,



I am alone but not lonely.
P.S. I LOVE YOU :-)



P.S. Sorry for the long post, I just kept on writing and didn't realize it.