Who is GOD ?

God is mystical. God is gender declassified. God is not him/her. God is God.

One shouldn't stop seeking God because for us Hindus, it's the way of life. In fact not just us, every theist seeks god and his presence. I am sure one must have felt his presence in ways more than one. I can claim that so confidently because I myself have experienced it. Again, I would say God isn't complex. He's clean and tarnished. For he has created this world to provide both pleasure and pain.

God has given life and death. There's a pro and con to everything imaginable. Where life brings joy, happiness on one hand, death brings along sorrow, malign and loneliness on the other. However, the beauty of death is that it doesn't affect the soul it effects. Imagine and experience its beauty, one doesn't even know how, the person who just died feels. He lays calm and cold in his deathbed. His brain, heart and body stops functioning but the soul is still there. One never knows, wonders or cares about the soul. It's always about the body.

When god must have been creating this world, he must have thought for a while or may be not because only the mightiest of all could have created such a simple world. It could have not been better. I admire every bit of it. So much for us to see and explore that it is impossible for us to experience every chunk of it in one lifetime. Life is clean, simple if we see through the lens of our soul. Homosexuality, heterosexuality, love, hatred, heaven, hell, pain, sorrow, joy, grief everything comes in pairs. May be that is one reason why they call your soul mate your 'better half'.

Life is symmetrical.

God is and will always be. One can only find him through doing good and just the right thing. That right thing should be right according to you and no one else. Change is good and I am sure God is its favorite admirer. God just loves to see changes in this serene world. Rain, breeze, clouds, tsunami, earthquake et cetera are all kinds of different changes and god just loves them. One may feel blessed and joyous only when he seeks joy. Sorrows are bleak, sometimes even bland. However, one can love them too. Nobody does, but one can.

In a rendezvous with the almighty, I asked him -

"Why everything in pairs?"

He smiled (he loves to smile) and said -

"Life is a mirage. The only thing I didn't create in pair is life. Had I not created things in pairs, life would have had too many varieties. I didn't want to scare your life."

I believed him, took his bow and blessings and only wished to see him again.


P.S: Special thanks to Gaurav Pandey, to turn me enough on to write this post. May God bless you.

Walking

Tired from not working at office while I was headed to home, I just twitched towards the cafeteria to have some orange juice. I could not believe on what my eye balls were perceiving. She was sitting all alone, having her lunch at around 4 pm. When I saw her, my heart struck 12 and started smiling. She looked lovely, like always. Her hair was falling on her face making her look innocent as ever, as she chewed the food between her molars.

I fell in love with her once again.

She is so pretty. Not that I haven’t seen prettier faces but there’s something different about her. It’s always something different about them, the one we love.

The second thought that came into my mind was-

Today’s my day, let’s talk to her.

I went to the food counter and quickly juggled coins and notes at the billing counter and ordered a glass of juice. While I was waiting for my order to be served, my only hope was that she stays.

And she did! I took my glass of juice and carried it along with all my guts to her table. She was busy on phone, talking to someone in her family. I kept my bag on the chair adjacent to the seat opposite to hers. She was so aloof talking over phone that she didn’t even notice. While I was sitting on the chair, she noticed me. I could totally read her expression-

‘What the hell?’

I gave a stupid smile back at her.

Though I distracted her from talking over the phone, I couldn’t manage to gain her precious attention. I kept on looking at her, adoring her beauty and innocence. I could feel her going nervous, she totally succumbed to it. I sat quietly in front of her for I really enjoyed it. Feeling and watching her right in front of me instilled me with joy. The feeling was exulting and I couldn’t stop smiling.

Some two minutes later, she took a pause in her conversation and uttered words to me-

“Anything you want?”

I smiled at her. She smiled back at me and I nodded in affirmation.

“What?” She asked me smiling.

“Get done with the phone then we’ll talk” I replied.

She continued talking over phone and I continued smiling.
There were two very obvious reasons –

One, I was sitting right next to her. Second, I got her most desired attention.

Happy hands of the clock were moving while I was waiting for her to get off of the phone. Just then, two ugly souls (not that they were ugly) from our batch came in. Their jaws fell right down on the ground and their eyes popped out watching me seated right in front of THE girl.

That was the moment when my head swerved and I felt like walking away. I help my head down and supported it by my hand. I told myself –

‘Today isn’t the day when you’d get to talk to her.’

Those two imminent, stupid souls couldn’t sense that when two people who walk in two different directions (she away from me and I towards her) are sitting together then there must be a special occasion. However, they had to come and sit on the same table we were sitting. Utter disgrace.

She turned around & looked at the two of them. I could so read her expression once again–

‘Eureka! God is there.’

I didn’t move from my chair hoping that the two most unwanted people, at that moment, would walk away.

But they didn’t. I tried the trick of giving them ugly looks as well, it failed.

After a while, she got off her phone but the minions didn't move. My eyes were glued on the LCD behind, as I had presumed. Though, I was looking at her from the corner of my eyes (something guys generally don't do). She waited for me to turn around, I didn't.

Then after some pateint moments, she asked me-
"Yes! Tell me, you have some work from me?"

I nodded positive again and told her, "You talk to them (the minions) then we'll talk."

"I'm done talking to them, we'll leave together."

My heart thumped and I said, "Fine, will talk to you some other time."

She stood up and walked away. I kept on looking at her and she faded while walking. I turned around towards the table and saw my half filled glass lying. I grabbed and gulped the juice down my throat, stood up, carried my bag and walked out thinking that the glass is half filled and so is life. There aren't much chances in life but they do come around.


P.S: Long post after a long time, straight from my heart.

How Much I Love

I wish I could just melt your heart,
and make you love me.

Dreaming about you in the lonely night,
makes me so happy.

Holding your hand for the first time,
Oh! that anxious moment.

It tickled me all over,
just the brush of your hair.

The waiting for you to come down,
when time ticked off quickly.

Loving you is I can't stop,
Yes, am mad about you.

The way you walk,
and sit and talk.

My breath's held,
for the deepest sigh.

The transition,
happened so quickly.

From just another girl I met,
to the one for me.

I wish we were in school together,
I would have glanced at you from the corner seat.

Would have given you candies all day,
chewing them you'd have stained your shirt.

Sitting beside you,
and caressing your hair.

Then you'd have known,
how much I love.

It's just for you,
It's only love.

Random Thoughts

Here I just felt a wind breeze,

Coming off of a maple tree.

Here I welcome the Rainy Season,

Catching hold of Summer's treason.

A whelming tune from the guitar,

Soothing up our sore hearts.

Yes! I want to drench in this rain,

I've been hearing it's worth the pain.

I waited for this all summer,

It's arrived so soon that I feel rummer.

Oh! the clouds, pour now,

and purify the earth.

She needs you more than I do,

and yet she couldn't state.

I'd love to see you pour again,

with a dulcet thunder clap.

And I remember the lightening too,

It strikes a giant flash.

We smile and pose and play together,

As she takes our pictures away.

O rain now, it's been a while,

I miss the rainy play.

Lucky Books, Kinky Looks.

It was October of 2009. In the middle of autumn, this incident happened. It wasn't the intention that I would some day write about it but I guess it was inevitable. The story starts with a cute girl. Yes, there’s always a cute girl behind every mystery. So there was this girl I met, her name was Zee.

No, she wasn’t Chinese or Japanese. She was Indian, pure hearted and beautiful. Meeting her was another mystery in itself. We met at a bookstore while browsing for books that were unprocurable in the store. While we were waiting for the manager to narrate us when can we find the book? We looked at each other.

Some minutes later he arrived and announced,

“Sir, the book is out of stock…”

‘Like I don’t know, you idiot!’, I thought

“…we will try to make it available to you ASAP.” the manager continued.

I was looking at her, wondering the secret of her gleaming beauty. I staked a 100Rs on Lux.

“Sir, the book will be at most available by next week.” He repeated.

I juggled with the magazines in my hand and uttered, “Oh! …”

Then I pored my thoughts and continued, “Oh Fuck! I can’t wait for that book.”

“Sir, I am really sorry.” said the apologetic manager.

‘As if you ate the book’ I frowned at the manager.

Now the manager turned towards this girl and enunciated, “Sorry mam but you too will have to wait till next week.”

“Actually you two are looking for the same book that is out of stock.” He told us.

I felt as if somebody had injected energy straight up my Ass.

My eyes popped out, I was flabbergasted. I lifted my face to look at her again.

She gave me her most uncanny expression. That was when I closed my mouth and smiled. Now I must tell you about my smile. It’s awesome. When I smile, all my muscles act accordingly and stretch themselves with all the power they have to make the most beautiful smile in the world. :-)

But then she smiled. I couldn’t help but open my mouth again. I was literally gaping at her. I was wrong; she had the most beautiful smile in the world. It was scintillating. That's when I noticed her teeth. I staked another 100Rs on Close up this time.

“Isn’t it….”

She turned around when I was about to make a statement.

I quickly ran upto her and said, “Hi”

“Hi” she replied.

“Isn’t it a sweet coincidence that we both are looking for the same book?” I took my chance.

“Yes! And it gave you a chance to flirt, isn’t it?” She looked at me with one eye brow up.

“Uh…heh...umm...” I blabbered.

“So what do you do?” she asked me.

“umm..I am a final year student.” I said.

“And you study?”

“Engineering. What do you do?” I asked keeping my calm.

“You sound as if no girl wants to talk to you. I am sure you must be single.”

“I am. But you din’t tell me what do u do?”

“See I knew it. I am a class XIth student, Lakshya School.”

She belonged to the best girl’s school in the city. I took two Cadbury’s Shots from my pocket and offered one to her.

“Beta, Mann mein laddu foota?” She smiled.

“No...Hoh...umm...I…” I blabbered again.

She laughed and took Cadbury’s from me. I was lost in her laughter.

I knew from the very first moment that she was different. She actually was different.

She took out a cellphone from her king sized black purse and dialed a number,

“Rajesh, get the car.”

“Nice meeting you. Bye Bye.” She said to me, turned and swayed.

I again ran upto her and stopped her. When I saw her face I knew I was about to get the most sarcastic reply to anything I say. So instead of attempting to make a conversation I smiled and said,

“Bye.”

“Bye.” She said with a smile and retreated.

You must have already guessed how hard the week would have been for me but that wasn’t it. The harder part was that I didn't know if she was going to turn up next week. For the first time in my 21 years of life, I literally prayed to god with all my heart. While praying I opened up my eyes at least thrice just in order to check if God cared to perfect my sight after hearing my prayers. It was a cinematic experience for me and something really cinematic happened next week. Yes, you guessed it right she turned up on that day (and in case you couldn’t guess, you’re too dumb to continue reading). She was standing two shelves away from the entrance browsing some books. I felt as if she was waiting for me. I approached her.

“Hi!” with more confidence I said this time.

“Hi!” she replied with a smile.

Just before I could say anything, the stupid manager came along with a bag.

“Here’s your book ma’am, anything else I can do for you?” The manager handed the bag over.

He then looked at me and continued, “Oh Sir, we have your book now. Should I zip one for you too?”

I gave a frowning smile (don’t ask me about it, it’s something that I do when I am pissed off) to the manager and nodded. Then I turned towards her and looked at her with my best smile on(yes, the same best smile that was second best in the world now).

I got the same weird expression from her.

“I got to go now. Nice meeting you once again...?" she said.

“Arsh, What can I call you?” I made the best use of the opportunity I had this time.

“Zee.” She replied.

I blinked my eyes and checked her out once again and said

“You are Zee?”

“Yes, Zeeyana but I like to be called Zee.” She said and looked at me as if it was a warning for me.

“Ok, Zee and what does your real name mean exactly?” I enquired.

“It means bold.”

“Aah! I know that.” saying I smiled.

“My driver will not be back before 2, I will have to wait now. Shit!” She murmured to herself but I guess girls do this thing quite intentionally. They do it because they want us, guys, to hear to their problems and find an absolute solution to them and so,

“You can read more books or window shop here, no big deal.” I suggested.

“No! I want some coffee. Do you wanna sit at Costa?” she asked me.

I had an adrenaline rush through my body. Two weaknesses, first was coffee and second Zee (yes I fell for her by now), I couldn’t resist the tempting offer.

“Yes, who in the world would say no to coffee?” I accepted the offer.

We went to the Costa, had a few cups of coffee while waiting for her driver to return. Over coffee I realised that Zee was the only child in her family and her father owned car business and so I realised that not only she is pretty, intelligent but she does belong to quite a rich family.

When the bill arrived, I was summing up the coins I had in my pocket. The only thing I wondered was it would be a shame if I am unable to pay the bill. Only when I was iquiring myself about how am I going to pay off the bill, Zee snapped it away. I tried to catch hold of it but couldn’t.

“C’mon you are not paying the bill.” I insisted.

“Oh! But I invited you here, so let me…”

“Sure but next time.” I interruped Zee

“Next time?” Zee enquired with her patent one eye brow up expression.

I was flabbergasted, wondering what to say. Suddenly she started laughing and started scribbing on the bill we received.

“LOL! You are so cute. Don’t worry I was just kidding, here’s my number.” She couldn’t stop laughing and I was drowning in the sea of her overwhelmed emotion.

I was at the same time embarrassed and happy. Embarrassed because I should have paid the bill, happy because she called me cute(whenever a girl calls you cute, it means she likes you).

15 minutes thence Rajesh arrived and we both bade adieu to each other. If you are thinking who paid the bill, I must tell you she did.

3 days later, I picked up the bill that had Zee’s number scribbled on it and took the courage to dial.

At first I dialed the number but hung up without it rang. I thought she had given me the number on her own, I shouldn’t be scared to talk to her. I dialed the number.

A few seconds later I heard a computerised voice from the other end,

**The number you have dialed does not exist. Please check the number and dial again.***

I thought may be I dialed a wrong number, so I dialed again but got the same response. I kept dialing the same number again and again but there wasn’t any alter in response. I was appalled and had no idea what to do. Just when I looked at the clock. It was 1.30 PM, Lakshya’s classes are scheduled till 2PM. I don’t know what struck my mind but I quickly caught hold of my bike and flew to school. I tried to find Zee but couldn’t. I enquired about her but got no positive response. One girl who wore a yellow badge that said ‘CAPTAIN’ said there is no girl by the name of Zeeyana in school. The diwali vacations had started in school and students were firing crackers. Each time a cracker was fired, I heard two bursting sounds. One was that of the cracker, the other my heart’s.

I tried to find her in the city but couldn't, went to the car showroom she aforesaid to be her dad’s and found that the owner was a 70 year old man whose wife died 10 years back and had no child.

It’s been 17 years, I’m married and I still own that bill. I even pray at times that I get to see her once again in my life. Costa no more exists so I go to nearby coffee shops hoping one day Zee would come and sit next to me and I will be able to hear her laugh once again.

Disclaimer:All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

That they call love

It's a bizarre fact that 99% of the people want to be in love though people don't let on that top secret information so easily.

How many people out of 100 want to be in love?

When I asked this simple question to a number of people including friends ..

The funniest and the most bizarre answer out of some most interesting answers I got was

A.) a 1000

I thought how can a 1000 people out of 100 be in love?

Accept or deny the fact but it's true that each and every human being wants to be loved by someone or anyone. You ego might stop you from accepting this fact that in this whole world even you want to be in love.

Love is "The Inevitable".

Love will happen sooner or later. The feeling of love is surreal, for those who have felt it already know. I wouldn't say love happens only once. Love happens everytime you are willing to fall in love. Every single time you want love, it happens. It's preposterous when a person says,

"I don't want to be in love." or "Love is bullshit." or "Love is a mirage."

I agree that love is a mirage, bullshit and I believe that you don't want to be in love. But, I can also assure you that you will embrace love if it comes your way because deep inside you want it, need it and are willing for it. Love is a sweet drug. You wouldn't know what it tastes like until you try it once and once you try it out you want more, it gets on to you.

Love has it's bearing hazards as well. You may suffer from insomnia, get very healthy telephone bills. You'll do things that you hated to the core and you may even believe in things you never did. A many more love caused problems can be stated but that might only panic struck you but it's like they say,

"No pain, no gain."

Accept love, Embrace it and agree to the fact that you want to be in love. No one's going to kill you for being in love, yes, except if he is a member of Bajrang Dal or VHP or a part of any other political show offs that hate love or infact pretend to hate love. These groups include people who have girlfriends as well and believe that they do such stuff just to gain some publicity. Though all the time, they hurt people and that's because they are minions. These people don't understand thatGod created this world to inhibit love amongst us. But let's not deviate from the topic which is asking to be in love and accept the fact that you too want love.

The drug wouldn't run out but the time might. Grab love before you are too old to cherish it. Experience love before you realise that all your life you have had all the treats in the world but have missed out on the greatest dessert.

Love is and will always be.

Centerstage Goliyan

“What are you doing Mr. Sharma?”

The piece of chalk took off from Golu’s hand (Golu as we called our mechanical teacher, Mr. Ramsaran Chaturvedi) and hit me right below my right eye. It took the smile off of my face and I felt as if I have been woken up from a profound sleep.

“Sir...” I was bewildered not knowing what to reply him.

“What are you doing?” He enquired again.

“Sir, ..." Taking charge with confidence I continued "...actually I was studying the reponse of my project, which happens to be a curved machine. When it is stimulated by the action of thrust upon it until the liquid that is stored in its chamber is pushed out.I’m trying to limit the force so as to improve its efficiency. It is related to my project, Sir.” I told him.

I was watching porn.

According to Albert Camu,
Absurdity lies in the opposition between the human need for meaning, on the one hand, and the unconcerned and meaningless world, on the other. It certainly didn’t seem absurd.


“Ok, carry on with it then, please.”

“Thank you Sir.” I sat down as my colleagues started to giggle like a 10 year old girl.

“Raghu, Shiva, Akshay all three of you out get out of the class.” Golu ordained.

“But sir…” all three of them spoke in unison.

“A person is trying to learn something, get creative and you three fools laugh at him. It’s pitiful.”

“Sir…” they wanted to explain their misery.

“…not a single word, just get out!!” this time Golu had fierce streak in his eyes

“…This explains the working of a synchronous machine.” Golu continued as he turned around.

The three poor guys didn’t have any option other than to leave the class. All three of them gave me despicable looks. Raghu tried to hit me on my head but I managed to escape.

My friends were paying the cost of my sins. My deadly sin of lust and I totally enjoyed committing that sin. It was real fun and I wish I could do that more often.

When Golu left the class, Raghu, Shiva and Akshay came back inside and jumped upon me like a hungry wolf.

“I defended myself in the best possible manner I could but they still managed to rape me.”

Minutes later, our astro teacher, Kumari Hansa Devi arrived. Her name was Hansa Devi but she had not a single sign of beauty on her face, or for the matter of fact, Body. She was as dark complexioned as a crow and was 5’2” in height, wore a glass that had paint coming off its rim and an old sari, which we considered to have been abandoned by her mother. So we called her Miss Hansa Devi, as we presumed she had already been designated with such a monicker.

She hardly paid any heed to the class. She used to come in the class, say whatever she wanted to say irrespective of the fact whether or not the class is listening to her.

Raghu threw the same piece of chalk that Golu had projected towards me, on Miss Hansa. I looked at him not believing he did that, not because he did this for the first time rather because we had a pact that we won’t disturb Miss Hansa since she already looked disturbed.

Akshay and Shiva giggled at Raghu’s undertaking.

Miss Hansa continued to teach as she did not care.

I was mad at him. I stood up and apologised to Miss Hansa for what Raghu did. Likewise, I was paying the cost of Raghu’s Sin. I think that’s why friends are there, they take each other’s problem as their own and still be together.

When I apologised to Miss Hansa, she looked back at me and said, “You don’t need to apologise for something that you haven’t done. A person has to pay the price of his deeds in the same life, sooner or later.”

I had heard this one before, from many noble minded persons.

“I still apologise for his doing mam, he is stupe to have done such a thing. I kindly ask you to forgive him please.”

“That is not necessarily required. What is of more importance is that at the end of the day. A person realises his mistakes and God shall forgive him.”

It seemed like I have been hit with verbiage of reality. I smiled at Miss Hansa and sat down.
From that day on I had a peculiar respect for Miss Hansa, we didn’t aliased her otherwise I would have stopped calling her whatever we would have. And since that day even Raghu started studying in Miss Hansa’s class.