Loneliness and Me

Loneliness, I questioned, "Why have you struck me?"
"What is it that you want?"

"Who me? No, you have shrugged me."
She answered with spasm.

"You held me and now you're not letting me go."
I told her in despair.

"I did not ask you to come..."
"..I did not know when you reached here."

"The parities of life, brought me here..."
"So why do you blame me?" She answered me there.

"You were to make a choice, you have made one."
"It was all mesmerizing, but now there's none."

"You had the control, could have survived."
"Why did the life choose me? If I were to thrive."

"You could have made a decision, that would have kept you content."
"All I know now is that it wasn't my intent."

The life is beautiful, it's just the way we see.
Sorrow, happiness or perhaps glee.

"I agree with you dear, you've shown me a path."
"It makes me sad, to see my craft."

"No calm down, oh loneliness. Don't be despaired..."
"...You are beautiful, it's just the percept"

एक आहट...

तनहाई में गुम है ऐसे,

की आहट भी कमज़ोर है॥

वो आए ज़रूर मेरी चौखट पर.

पर चंद लम्हों के लिए॥

सदियाँ बीत गयी पर आज भी,

इस दिल में उनकी धड़कनो का शोर है॥

नज़र कमबख्त हटती ही नहीं उनसे.

दिल इबादत, उन्ही का जोर है॥

रौंगटे हो जाते है खड़े,

जब भी होते उनसे रूबरू हम॥

इस दिल के कदम आज भी,

बढ़ते उन्ही की ओर है॥

इश्क तो किया ही हमने,

और दगा भी खायी॥

सन्नाटे भरी गहरी रातें

गिन-गिन उनकी यादों में जलाईं॥

ऐसी चोट खायी ही हमने,

की रूह थरथराती है अब हमारी॥

दिल कांपता है इश्क करने से,

और लोग दिल-फेंक बुलाते है॥

जब मोहब्बत थी हमें उनसे,

हमने थी दुनिया भुलाई॥

आज भी उनकी याद में,

कितनी कड़वी लगे तनहाई॥

एक दौर था जब मुस्कुराते थे हम,

उन्ही के मुस्कुराने से॥

दर्द-ऐ-दिल हाल है मेरा,

आज उनके चले जाने से॥

काश ये दिल बयान कर पाता उस मोहब्बत को,

जो थी, और अब भी है॥

नज़रो में उनकी ज़ालिम है हम.

पर ज़ुल्म किया भी खुदपे है॥

Smoking Ugly

I started walking tonight,

With a kretek in my hand.

I smelled it and lit the match,

and put it on my lips.

The flame kept fighting with me,

I burnt the kretek's tip.

And as I dragged it, my heart feared.

the sweet taste on my lips smeared.

The smoke went inside,

through larynx, into my lungs.

It tasted so good,

my head swerved, my heart jumped.

I dragged another puff,

I started laughing to myself.

Someone come and rescue me,

Wait! I don't need no help.

I looked at the red tip,

seeing it burn into ashes, I felt.

Is it the cigarette,

or my life burning to hell?

I closed my starry eyes,

and went into flashback.

Am I not the person who I was?

or was I not the person who I am?

The early days were better,

but until when?

It's time to move ahead,

my life has just begun.

I threw the kretek right then,

my thoughts saved me today.

Lying on the ground it burnt,

angry and in dismay.

The FB Love Story

It started when I had seen you,
I was a little afraid and you were a little shy.

The next morning I woke up,
I thought it was a dream, a wry.

But when I saw you again,
I was flabbergasted.

I was still thinking and numb,
but it did, it lasted.

You were a reality,you were true.
I kept looking at you. You, you.

Baby I fell in love with you and I didn't know,
I wanted to take control, I wanted to be slow.

My steady steps, moved towards you.
I stopped, looked around, thought I'd facebook you.

I sent you a message first and waited for your reply,
And when I got it, I shouted "Aye! Aye!"

Your legs were lovely, that tattooed skin.
The sand gleamed, it looked akin.

That photoshopped picture, it looked lovely.
but could have managed the contrast.

I know that's a party picture,
I hope you had a blast.

Baby I fell in love with you,
There, right there.

Ok let me be frank with you,
It was your hair.

I tried slow, but couldn't control.
I stumbled, I crawled.

My mind boggled,
My thoughts brawled.

Next I clicked on your photo album link,
saw your lovely pictures, I blinked.

Joy, joy and joy.
I said, "Oh! You forgot to reply boy."

I waited for the next notification, thought it was yours.
My boss had facebooked me, "Have you done all chores?"

I said, "what the fuck Boss, why are you alive?"
The next notification and my boss survives.

I thought the dream was coming true,
No! the truth was becoming a dream.

I took the next step,
Damn! I stepped on my shaving cream.

We talked for a while, and I liked your status messages,
I liked your likes, the comments, the pages.

I poked your friend one day,
and then the problem began.

OK, I'm gonna cut it short,
We fought, your feelings ran

You ignored me, I tried.
Didn't want to hear me, my heart fried

Now I'm hurt and I'm walking away.
My eyes, my tears, away they pray.

You signed out from the chat,
I kept refreshing your profile.

I thought I wouldn't say,
Will go away for a while.

But you didn't come back baby.
I cried, I cried.

So I removed you from my friend list,
Why did I have to try?

You'll wake up in the morning and I'll not be there.
Baby I'm gone, So long !!

Who is GOD ?

God is mystical. God is gender declassified. God is not him/her. God is God.

One shouldn't stop seeking God because for us Hindus, it's the way of life. In fact not just us, every theist seeks god and his presence. I am sure one must have felt his presence in ways more than one. I can claim that so confidently because I myself have experienced it. Again, I would say God isn't complex. He's clean and tarnished. For he has created this world to provide both pleasure and pain.

God has given life and death. There's a pro and con to everything imaginable. Where life brings joy, happiness on one hand, death brings along sorrow, malign and loneliness on the other. However, the beauty of death is that it doesn't affect the soul it effects. Imagine and experience its beauty, one doesn't even know how, the person who just died feels. He lays calm and cold in his deathbed. His brain, heart and body stops functioning but the soul is still there. One never knows, wonders or cares about the soul. It's always about the body.

When god must have been creating this world, he must have thought for a while or may be not because only the mightiest of all could have created such a simple world. It could have not been better. I admire every bit of it. So much for us to see and explore that it is impossible for us to experience every chunk of it in one lifetime. Life is clean, simple if we see through the lens of our soul. Homosexuality, heterosexuality, love, hatred, heaven, hell, pain, sorrow, joy, grief everything comes in pairs. May be that is one reason why they call your soul mate your 'better half'.

Life is symmetrical.

God is and will always be. One can only find him through doing good and just the right thing. That right thing should be right according to you and no one else. Change is good and I am sure God is its favorite admirer. God just loves to see changes in this serene world. Rain, breeze, clouds, tsunami, earthquake et cetera are all kinds of different changes and god just loves them. One may feel blessed and joyous only when he seeks joy. Sorrows are bleak, sometimes even bland. However, one can love them too. Nobody does, but one can.

In a rendezvous with the almighty, I asked him -

"Why everything in pairs?"

He smiled (he loves to smile) and said -

"Life is a mirage. The only thing I didn't create in pair is life. Had I not created things in pairs, life would have had too many varieties. I didn't want to scare your life."

I believed him, took his bow and blessings and only wished to see him again.


P.S: Special thanks to Gaurav Pandey, to turn me enough on to write this post. May God bless you.

A Loner's Thoughts

19/2/2010 Worli, Mumbai - 17:24 hours

The best thing about being a loner is that you have a world of opportunities surrounding you, freeing you of all obligations and bindings.

You are like a free bird, free it seems, that has the whole world under her feet.

Life seems crazy, when the people in your life have left you and you leave behind some of them while strolling around. There seems a strange darkness and an urge for the sun to rise.

(Though) It Won't !!

The sun won't rise until you stand up and confront time. Time is powerful and a strong headed mentor. It is, also a dehydrator. It dehydrates your life if not timed to perfection or atleast close to it. To make the sun rise up again in your closed dark world, you need to stand up and take a step.

Life is great when postured on canvas. The embossed acrylic feels great to touch but, only the artist knows the hard work he'd put in to make it feel like it.

18:01 Hours
-----


21/2/10 Vikhroli, Mumbai - 2:22 Hours

But of course, who cares about the hard work or the imagination or perhaps, even desires? No one! The selfish world turns up against you and makes you do things you'd never imagined yourself exercising. The myths of life are many and the truths, a few. People, who once have ascertained the truths of life, see the haze around them clearing up. Learning is not a slow process. It is eventually one of the secrets kept away from the minions. Something that plausibly makes it slow or just make it seem slow.

The key is that "there is no key."

(It does remind me of Kung-Fu Panda right now but that's not the shoe that fits the feet.)

You are free, limitless and unbound. Circumscribing oneself is merely closing room for anonymity and surprises because the limits are so tiny from what they can actually be.


2:44 Hours
-----

LoveSick

Standing on the bridge, I remember you crying.
We were walking apart and none were trying.

Yeah, I know it was love,
It was the first time.

I know we are in, we were,
I should have stopped you, I concur.

You gave me the Goosebumps,
When I first touched you, I was numb.

I remember you the first time,
Your pink lips, I was on cloud nine.

The first kiss,
Like butter and cream.

That chilly breeze, On a summer noon,
Which only I had felt, Oh! Yes, it was a boon.

I know so many things, because of you,
I know me now, I would have never known.

It makes me happy,
To know you are.

And now I am healing,
The pain is gone.

Though I still don’t know,
Why tears are borne.

When I think about you,
In the midnight.

Why am I lonely ?

Is it the darkness?

or is it only me?

I see a light ahead,

oh! no, its just me.

why did the moon,

reflect on me, its gloom.

why this melancholy?

why disparity?

this futility,

is emptying me.

I just question this world,

why put me in these twirls.

I feel my head spinning,

my body swerves.

I tried, I tried,

yeah! I served.

gave everything up,

lost all the turf.

It was just for you,

you were my herb.

why did u poison me?

and made me vile.

I don't hate you,

I give u smile.

now I miss you,

not 'cos I love.

its just the care,

I couldn't curb.

Oh Baby

You said I love you,

but you didn't mean it.

I said I love you,

didn't you really feel it?

How could you leave me?

with this emptiness in me.

and all around I can't see,

this broken heart hurts me.

Oh baby,

baby, baby, baby.

Now that I'm feeling low,

and I don't know where to go.

This feeling is tiring,

can't you hear me crying.

It feels like end of the world...

Oh baby,

baby, baby, baby.

Today you are sorry,

but how could you bury?

All those memories,

of the time we spent together.

This day is freaking me out.

P.S- I actually wrote it as a song and I have the tune in my mind, will try to post a recording of this later(If I remember, no promises). You may try to sing it, will surely make sense.