Scribbling Love

What do writers do?

Blabber, Blabber and Blabber more.

Well actually,

They Scribble, Scribble and Scribble more.

So, this night brings me to more scribbling and blabbering. I will write more shit and continue to write it until death separates me from writing. Well, that simply means you'll have to bear me and my hogwash for the rest of my life and possibly yours as well. Tonight, I am not going to talk about love, I am not going to talk about God and I am not at all going to talk about success or failure.

I will keep it plain and simple.

Well, not exactly my style. ;-)

Love, as we call it. Isn't it crucifying? We keep on thinking about love, long for it and keep waiting for it to happen. What a strange four letter word that plays with our testosterone and estrogen, makes us go weak in our knees and feel butterflies in our stomach. Is it love? Or is it just a psychological disruption? I second my second thought. Psychological it seems to me, after that I have been in love, undergone a heartbreak, fallen in love again and again... and again. It just doesn't stop and it never happened that I was ever in love with two women at a particular point of time. Well, I am no prerogative for having falling in love over and again. I just have a psychological belief that love exists and I keep on expecting to receive it. I see someone, talk to her and in a blink of eye I know that she can be the one or not. I, then, turn my pursuits on and approach. Now I don’t know if that is love or not. However, that is.

When I can strenuously and consistently believe in the existence of God, how can I not believe in love with the same passion? People say love is about understanding each other. I question, if love is all about understanding each other then what is compromising? Isn't understanding the other person's will and suppressing your own, compromising? She likes coffee and I like tea but I am having coffee just because she likes it, is a compromise. Where as love is when he/she prepares a cup of coffee and tea, and they have it together. Well, this stands as a very understated example of a subject that has a much wider scope. A similar example cannot hold good in case of buying a car or perhaps something else.

When you fall in love with a girl, at first she says - "I just want you to love me all my life." And then -

'I want that dress.', 'I want to meet your family.', 'I want to marry you.','I want the TV remote.', 'I want kids.', 'I want a house.', a new car...and on and on and on ...

Then she finally says (something that I call confessing) - 'I want a life.'

Horrid no? People call it a crazy sweet little thing called love.

If I have to summarize love, it would take me a lot more than just a few words and it would take me really, really long to express it. However, I will summarize love in some ugly true words.

Love is - Compromising with yourself for someone else. It is living for the other person and doing what he/she wants. Love is suppressing your own feelings for others. Love is essential. Like I said, love is, strange and crucifying.

They say love is surreal. Love is, but we make it surreal.

Life and Inspiration

So...nothing is static, nothing is perfect, permanent or final.

As the night passes by, do we lose time? or do we gain it?

Do we even realise that in a day we come back to the same position, we started our day from. One by one, bars in life cross and make it either stiff or subtle.

The moon looks so lovely on a full moon night. Nothing incomplete is beautiful or majestic. However, everything cannot be complete. Life will become too dull if things are stark. Where will the inspiration come from?

It'll come from within.

Little changes in life can completely bring joy and make you feel exulted. The subtle changes are not hard to indicate. Life isn't tough, unless we make it. It's crazy how we abandon & ignore the most important things in life, just like a male seahorse. The female lays egg in the male's pouch, keeping trust in him. Though, he abandons the part that should be the most important in his life, his children, just as they hatch.

Life gives us unpredicted results, some in our favor and some against.

The sun doesn't rise or fall. It is stagnant. Yet, we think that it is in motion.

No matter how big the sand house is that one builds, if it isn't made away from the shore, the waves will take them along with them. If it's made away from the shore, the sun will stiffen it and muddle it down.

Life is moving, so are we. The sun is inspiring and deceiving.

You don't wake up from sleep and become rich one day. Sun changes its color but never its course. The difficulties in our life are just the different colors. If we make our mind stiff and determination strong, no matte how many different colors we see in life, we will achieve success & satiate our desires. Even a dog doesn't pee until it finds a perfect spot, let alone the life. Life will strike an opportunity at the right time, if you don't grab it, it's gone. Life rotates, completes its circle and rotates again.

Why don't we fall, when the earth is rotating? You're correct, gravity.

As the sun comes up, the sea gets hazier no matter what season it is. When life tumbles, a similar gravitational force holds us and keeps us from falling down. Our part is only to keep holding on.

You are just a Myth

I will irritate the hell out of you, I will make your life difficult. Something that I am best at. You don't have an idea, what I am capable of. I will take a breath and it will hurt you more than a burn. I will pinch you and you're gonna bleed like never before. I am important to myself..so yes, Do not underestimate !!

You don't stand a place in my life. You mean nothing no more. Every time I tried to navigate through and make things bearable, you never supported it. You say you hate me for no reasons but I know there's something behind that scares you to say. You aim to be the sky but your efforts are underground. You're a myth to yourself, you struggle to be yourself. You are dead personified.

Don't try to fight with me with words because my words are not that tender and all. One I start my prowl, you will succumb yourself to death. I am fire, a tiger. My claws seem small but my bite is ferocious. Understand my glances and make your moves. This is neither a warning nor a threat because the real threat for you is I am.

Fear me.

I Want You

Baby, you make me mad. You make me desperate.

Baby, I want you. Baby, I do.

You are the only one now, I have no other desire.

You are my single dream - for my life, entire.

I wanna have you now, I wanna be with you.

I don't care what they say. You are my bird flu.

No matter what happens, I'll surely find you.

Losing you - I won't let. I will come, get you through.

Baby, You're mine, mine. None other, but you.

You are my daily rhyme. I wanna sing you new.

I will be with you, I will always be.

With you in my hands, life will be freely free.

Who is GOD ?

God is mystical. God is gender declassified. God is not him/her. God is God.

One shouldn't stop seeking God because for us Hindus, it's the way of life. In fact not just us, every theist seeks god and his presence. I am sure one must have felt his presence in ways more than one. I can claim that so confidently because I myself have experienced it. Again, I would say God isn't complex. He's clean and tarnished. For he has created this world to provide both pleasure and pain.

God has given life and death. There's a pro and con to everything imaginable. Where life brings joy, happiness on one hand, death brings along sorrow, malign and loneliness on the other. However, the beauty of death is that it doesn't affect the soul it effects. Imagine and experience its beauty, one doesn't even know how, the person who just died feels. He lays calm and cold in his deathbed. His brain, heart and body stops functioning but the soul is still there. One never knows, wonders or cares about the soul. It's always about the body.

When god must have been creating this world, he must have thought for a while or may be not because only the mightiest of all could have created such a simple world. It could have not been better. I admire every bit of it. So much for us to see and explore that it is impossible for us to experience every chunk of it in one lifetime. Life is clean, simple if we see through the lens of our soul. Homosexuality, heterosexuality, love, hatred, heaven, hell, pain, sorrow, joy, grief everything comes in pairs. May be that is one reason why they call your soul mate your 'better half'.

Life is symmetrical.

God is and will always be. One can only find him through doing good and just the right thing. That right thing should be right according to you and no one else. Change is good and I am sure God is its favorite admirer. God just loves to see changes in this serene world. Rain, breeze, clouds, tsunami, earthquake et cetera are all kinds of different changes and god just loves them. One may feel blessed and joyous only when he seeks joy. Sorrows are bleak, sometimes even bland. However, one can love them too. Nobody does, but one can.

In a rendezvous with the almighty, I asked him -

"Why everything in pairs?"

He smiled (he loves to smile) and said -

"Life is a mirage. The only thing I didn't create in pair is life. Had I not created things in pairs, life would have had too many varieties. I didn't want to scare your life."

I believed him, took his bow and blessings and only wished to see him again.


P.S: Special thanks to Gaurav Pandey, to turn me enough on to write this post. May God bless you.

Beauty Admired

Looking at the serene beauty of the mountain, I wanted to be there, at it. In a flash, I was in between the two mountains. It didn't take much time for the train to complete the half circle and take me to heaven. I felt prerogative, though the train was cruising along its usual route.

As the sunbeam fell on the brown mountain rocks, it twinkled a brownish radiance as if it was trying to seduce it audience with the chocolate. At least I am the one who was. Experiencing such a scene was a beauty in itself. Moving under the shadow of one mountain and watching the sunlight fall on another. It seemed like the nexus of two worlds. I felt disparaged, thinking why am I not a mountain or a cloud or perhaps a river. For the first time in life, I felt ugly.

Looking at things from a far distance might make them look good or bad, sometimes even beautiful but the ultimate beauty lies within, inside the heart of it, in its soul and its nucleus. Nobody wants to feel ugly. You may feel beautiful or ugly, it's totally upto you. You'll feel whatever you want to, no matter what other people say. If you think you're beautiful, you're the most beautiful thing in the world.

Now that I am going far away from the mountains, I see them smiling at me, as if they know about the beauty they contain in themselves. I felt as if they were watching me and telling me -

"We need not be remarked."

Right after these series of events, I wanted to relive the moments passing by, so I just kept on mesmerising the moments and went on to take a nap.


P.S: I wrote this back when I was traveling from Bangalore to Lucknow. I just felt ecstatic at that time and words poured out from my heart. I found it today in a writing pad, so here I am drafting it.

P.S: I could totally feel it all over again while re-writing.

Walking

Tired from not working at office while I was headed to home, I just twitched towards the cafeteria to have some orange juice. I could not believe on what my eye balls were perceiving. She was sitting all alone, having her lunch at around 4 pm. When I saw her, my heart struck 12 and started smiling. She looked lovely, like always. Her hair was falling on her face making her look innocent as ever, as she chewed the food between her molars.

I fell in love with her once again.

She is so pretty. Not that I haven’t seen prettier faces but there’s something different about her. It’s always something different about them, the one we love.

The second thought that came into my mind was-

Today’s my day, let’s talk to her.

I went to the food counter and quickly juggled coins and notes at the billing counter and ordered a glass of juice. While I was waiting for my order to be served, my only hope was that she stays.

And she did! I took my glass of juice and carried it along with all my guts to her table. She was busy on phone, talking to someone in her family. I kept my bag on the chair adjacent to the seat opposite to hers. She was so aloof talking over phone that she didn’t even notice. While I was sitting on the chair, she noticed me. I could totally read her expression-

‘What the hell?’

I gave a stupid smile back at her.

Though I distracted her from talking over the phone, I couldn’t manage to gain her precious attention. I kept on looking at her, adoring her beauty and innocence. I could feel her going nervous, she totally succumbed to it. I sat quietly in front of her for I really enjoyed it. Feeling and watching her right in front of me instilled me with joy. The feeling was exulting and I couldn’t stop smiling.

Some two minutes later, she took a pause in her conversation and uttered words to me-

“Anything you want?”

I smiled at her. She smiled back at me and I nodded in affirmation.

“What?” She asked me smiling.

“Get done with the phone then we’ll talk” I replied.

She continued talking over phone and I continued smiling.
There were two very obvious reasons –

One, I was sitting right next to her. Second, I got her most desired attention.

Happy hands of the clock were moving while I was waiting for her to get off of the phone. Just then, two ugly souls (not that they were ugly) from our batch came in. Their jaws fell right down on the ground and their eyes popped out watching me seated right in front of THE girl.

That was the moment when my head swerved and I felt like walking away. I help my head down and supported it by my hand. I told myself –

‘Today isn’t the day when you’d get to talk to her.’

Those two imminent, stupid souls couldn’t sense that when two people who walk in two different directions (she away from me and I towards her) are sitting together then there must be a special occasion. However, they had to come and sit on the same table we were sitting. Utter disgrace.

She turned around & looked at the two of them. I could so read her expression once again–

‘Eureka! God is there.’

I didn’t move from my chair hoping that the two most unwanted people, at that moment, would walk away.

But they didn’t. I tried the trick of giving them ugly looks as well, it failed.

After a while, she got off her phone but the minions didn't move. My eyes were glued on the LCD behind, as I had presumed. Though, I was looking at her from the corner of my eyes (something guys generally don't do). She waited for me to turn around, I didn't.

Then after some pateint moments, she asked me-
"Yes! Tell me, you have some work from me?"

I nodded positive again and told her, "You talk to them (the minions) then we'll talk."

"I'm done talking to them, we'll leave together."

My heart thumped and I said, "Fine, will talk to you some other time."

She stood up and walked away. I kept on looking at her and she faded while walking. I turned around towards the table and saw my half filled glass lying. I grabbed and gulped the juice down my throat, stood up, carried my bag and walked out thinking that the glass is half filled and so is life. There aren't much chances in life but they do come around.


P.S: Long post after a long time, straight from my heart.

A Loner's Thoughts

19/2/2010 Worli, Mumbai - 17:24 hours

The best thing about being a loner is that you have a world of opportunities surrounding you, freeing you of all obligations and bindings.

You are like a free bird, free it seems, that has the whole world under her feet.

Life seems crazy, when the people in your life have left you and you leave behind some of them while strolling around. There seems a strange darkness and an urge for the sun to rise.

(Though) It Won't !!

The sun won't rise until you stand up and confront time. Time is powerful and a strong headed mentor. It is, also a dehydrator. It dehydrates your life if not timed to perfection or atleast close to it. To make the sun rise up again in your closed dark world, you need to stand up and take a step.

Life is great when postured on canvas. The embossed acrylic feels great to touch but, only the artist knows the hard work he'd put in to make it feel like it.

18:01 Hours
-----


21/2/10 Vikhroli, Mumbai - 2:22 Hours

But of course, who cares about the hard work or the imagination or perhaps, even desires? No one! The selfish world turns up against you and makes you do things you'd never imagined yourself exercising. The myths of life are many and the truths, a few. People, who once have ascertained the truths of life, see the haze around them clearing up. Learning is not a slow process. It is eventually one of the secrets kept away from the minions. Something that plausibly makes it slow or just make it seem slow.

The key is that "there is no key."

(It does remind me of Kung-Fu Panda right now but that's not the shoe that fits the feet.)

You are free, limitless and unbound. Circumscribing oneself is merely closing room for anonymity and surprises because the limits are so tiny from what they can actually be.


2:44 Hours
-----

You're There

a.k.a I know you there

I close my eyes

And I hear your voice

I feel so good

I feel life

You're a dream to me

You're a lie

I wanna be with you

And look you in the eye

I see figures

Each in the crowd

Yes, all are true

But not one like you

I feel you

Though can't see

Its displeasure

Merely glee

Uncertainty

I hardly see

I know you're there

The world will see

Imagine

All the possibilities

When we will meet

Sharing disparities

Anomalies

Oh thats not WE

Its the love, love

Truly free

P.S. Special Thanks to Vidhi for her, as always, valuable suggestions.

+ or -

Life is considered to be divided among different kinds of energies. Basically there are two-Positive and Negative. We are always told to concentrate on the positive energies. Often have we heard the "be positive" slogan throughout our lives. It's substantial and coherent for people, those who believe in it, to understand what it really is. However, its true gumption is not substantiated.

So, how do we differentiate energies from positive and negative?

How do we subtract bad from an assortment of good and bad?

Suppose a person who wants to buy a car but does not enough have money for it and is diffident. Now he'll attract positive feelings from a person who will encourage him that he'll be able to buy the car. Also, if he gets an increment he'll feel exulted because now his misery will end and his desire will be fulfilled. At the same time, another person who has the same dream and has enough money for it. It will not matter to him whether or not he gets a bonus because he is already in a state to buy a car.

Consider a Situation where a female rapist is assaulting a man. I know it's a bit unusual and funny but in this case if a policeman arrives at the place of incident. There will be a flow of both positive and negative energies in the air. There will be some serious course for positive energy in the man that is being assaulted where as the fear of being caught will instill the negatives in the woman.

So, the probability of an energy being positive or negative cannot be determined. One cannot say that doing this will bring positive energies towards you and hence you will attain quintessence. No, It wouldn't happen. A same situation might bring positives in some while the same incident might engross negatives into somebody else. Thus, the distinction of energies actually differs for person to person. No one can tell you exactly what is good or bad. It is you who has to decide whether a thing is good for you or is it bad for you. Different people have different sets of priorities in life and they live in different circumstances. To negate the negatives one has to think about the positives. However, it is very important to differentiate the positives from the negatives. Two situations might be good and bad for two different instances.

Remember the power is inside us and the choice is ours. It is us, the human beings who made the greatest of things in the world and the same human beings commit suicide and become a curse to life.

The choice is yours, what you want to be and the energies are inside you.

Fighting with the Conscience...

It's not difficult to talk to one's self. It is not hard to find answers to many of our questions. We compare, discriminate and make an order of things that are pocket-sized. Fairly the order goes wrong, we fail and we tend to circumscribe our life up to where the things have been working fine. We ask ourselves questions, things start to bother us but do we really think upon the fact that life is not asking us for what we are giving it. It's difficult to fight with one's conscience and break into the young possibilities of expanding one's area of understanding through innovation and thinking, it is beyond concept but it is not that hard to learn from the mistakes that one has already made. Simple things in life makes life simple and unification of the thoughts in association with the moral, integral and significant values of life may make it even simpler.

Standing on top of a building may instill a person with fear and at the same time it might impregnate one with a feeling of power, courage and independence. One has to abduct a burn in order to feel what a flame can do to him, for a flame is calm and composed. A flame does not tell you the harm that it can cause you. It is powerless and mighty. The experiences are endless and the possibilities limitless. The betterment of one's soul and thoughts is directly proportional to the gratuity he pays to himself in the form of self indulgence. A man can only compensate for his duly or unduly transgressions by an act of self analysis. Self analysis is necessary to advance the impasse, a comma in the life. Comma because it's ephemeral and it will pass depending upon one's choice of actions. Life is all about the choices that we make. We make the correct choices according to ourselves but sometimes our choices just do not tend to suit the environment. The redemption is easy, the course harsh and the basic necessity is the self actuation. Just like the old cliche that says "we have to hold our spoons in order to eat the food", we will have to make an effort, push ourselves and attain a state of bliss. For a person shall get what he truly deserves.

Knowingly or unknowingly we make mistakes in life and pay for them. It's similar to the fact that we go to a restaurant order the food which on being served tastes awful and we still pay the bill but that doesn't stops us from going munching at some other joint. Life's experiences are quite alike, we just have to make sure that we do not tread the path we have once already suffered going onto. The destination must not change, but the path should. When a kid is born no one tells him that life would be easy. Failing is not the end, it is just another step up the ladder. It takes in a lot of courage to experience a failure. What is more courageous and dexterous is to double your possibilities after experiencing a failure.

Deep Thoughts...

Well, this hour would be a little too late to write a blog rather I should say that it would be a little early for most of the people in my country. Just that I didn't sleep last night doesn't means that everyone's a Nocturnal. Oops! I guess my neighbour just woke up.

Anyways, So "Deep Thoughts"...Thoughts, Cerebrations, Ideas, Mentations, Intellections all are the same. Thinking is a process that every living being undergoes. Its inevitable. A healthy living person has a thousand number of things running in his mind during the course of thinking. Even a drunkard has a number of things going on in his mind even while he is gravely drunk. Its one's thought process that differentiates two human beings who are almost similarly built by the almighty God. According to a study, around a 60000 thoughts (for those who think 60000 is a small number, you can start counting till 60000 and I'm sure you wouldn't cross 500) go through our mind everyday.

Your question : How do i know ?
My answer : Well I saw it on Oprah Winfrey Show and Yes ! I confirmed it on google. :P

The official number might differ for different people but thats not the point that I am talking about here. Its about "Deep Thoughts".

So, Out of those 60000 thoughts that run every single day in our mind what really secernates two different thoughts from being categorised as a normal thought and a deep thought.
It would be highly unripe of me to stipulate something as Deep, because it can be anything for any person. I don't consider myself to be acquired enough to answer this question but I believe, for its beliefs that forms an integral part of a person, that Deep Thoughts are the sentiments that touches one's heart and totally locomotes one's mind and soul. Its mystifying how things can be generalised. The same thing can vividly be so different for two persons.

Life is at the mercy of our thoughts, our thoughts totally control our life in every possible way. But one can thoroughly control them. One needs to have positive thoughts in order to maneuvre success in life. Its very important to have your body fully charged up in order gain that success for

"You have to learn the rules of the game, and then You have to play better than anyone else" --> Albert Einstein


Think over it ... It might put you into a "Deep Thought". ;-)