Smoking Ugly

I started walking tonight,

With a kretek in my hand.

I smelled it and lit the match,

and put it on my lips.

The flame kept fighting with me,

I burnt the kretek's tip.

And as I dragged it, my heart feared.

the sweet taste on my lips smeared.

The smoke went inside,

through larynx, into my lungs.

It tasted so good,

my head swerved, my heart jumped.

I dragged another puff,

I started laughing to myself.

Someone come and rescue me,

Wait! I don't need no help.

I looked at the red tip,

seeing it burn into ashes, I felt.

Is it the cigarette,

or my life burning to hell?

I closed my starry eyes,

and went into flashback.

Am I not the person who I was?

or was I not the person who I am?

The early days were better,

but until when?

It's time to move ahead,

my life has just begun.

I threw the kretek right then,

my thoughts saved me today.

Lying on the ground it burnt,

angry and in dismay.

Scribbling Love

What do writers do?

Blabber, Blabber and Blabber more.

Well actually,

They Scribble, Scribble and Scribble more.

So, this night brings me to more scribbling and blabbering. I will write more shit and continue to write it until death separates me from writing. Well, that simply means you'll have to bear me and my hogwash for the rest of my life and possibly yours as well. Tonight, I am not going to talk about love, I am not going to talk about God and I am not at all going to talk about success or failure.

I will keep it plain and simple.

Well, not exactly my style. ;-)

Love, as we call it. Isn't it crucifying? We keep on thinking about love, long for it and keep waiting for it to happen. What a strange four letter word that plays with our testosterone and estrogen, makes us go weak in our knees and feel butterflies in our stomach. Is it love? Or is it just a psychological disruption? I second my second thought. Psychological it seems to me, after that I have been in love, undergone a heartbreak, fallen in love again and again... and again. It just doesn't stop and it never happened that I was ever in love with two women at a particular point of time. Well, I am no prerogative for having falling in love over and again. I just have a psychological belief that love exists and I keep on expecting to receive it. I see someone, talk to her and in a blink of eye I know that she can be the one or not. I, then, turn my pursuits on and approach. Now I don’t know if that is love or not. However, that is.

When I can strenuously and consistently believe in the existence of God, how can I not believe in love with the same passion? People say love is about understanding each other. I question, if love is all about understanding each other then what is compromising? Isn't understanding the other person's will and suppressing your own, compromising? She likes coffee and I like tea but I am having coffee just because she likes it, is a compromise. Where as love is when he/she prepares a cup of coffee and tea, and they have it together. Well, this stands as a very understated example of a subject that has a much wider scope. A similar example cannot hold good in case of buying a car or perhaps something else.

When you fall in love with a girl, at first she says - "I just want you to love me all my life." And then -

'I want that dress.', 'I want to meet your family.', 'I want to marry you.','I want the TV remote.', 'I want kids.', 'I want a house.', a new car...and on and on and on ...

Then she finally says (something that I call confessing) - 'I want a life.'

Horrid no? People call it a crazy sweet little thing called love.

If I have to summarize love, it would take me a lot more than just a few words and it would take me really, really long to express it. However, I will summarize love in some ugly true words.

Love is - Compromising with yourself for someone else. It is living for the other person and doing what he/she wants. Love is suppressing your own feelings for others. Love is essential. Like I said, love is, strange and crucifying.

They say love is surreal. Love is, but we make it surreal.

Life and Inspiration

So...nothing is static, nothing is perfect, permanent or final.

As the night passes by, do we lose time? or do we gain it?

Do we even realise that in a day we come back to the same position, we started our day from. One by one, bars in life cross and make it either stiff or subtle.

The moon looks so lovely on a full moon night. Nothing incomplete is beautiful or majestic. However, everything cannot be complete. Life will become too dull if things are stark. Where will the inspiration come from?

It'll come from within.

Little changes in life can completely bring joy and make you feel exulted. The subtle changes are not hard to indicate. Life isn't tough, unless we make it. It's crazy how we abandon & ignore the most important things in life, just like a male seahorse. The female lays egg in the male's pouch, keeping trust in him. Though, he abandons the part that should be the most important in his life, his children, just as they hatch.

Life gives us unpredicted results, some in our favor and some against.

The sun doesn't rise or fall. It is stagnant. Yet, we think that it is in motion.

No matter how big the sand house is that one builds, if it isn't made away from the shore, the waves will take them along with them. If it's made away from the shore, the sun will stiffen it and muddle it down.

Life is moving, so are we. The sun is inspiring and deceiving.

You don't wake up from sleep and become rich one day. Sun changes its color but never its course. The difficulties in our life are just the different colors. If we make our mind stiff and determination strong, no matte how many different colors we see in life, we will achieve success & satiate our desires. Even a dog doesn't pee until it finds a perfect spot, let alone the life. Life will strike an opportunity at the right time, if you don't grab it, it's gone. Life rotates, completes its circle and rotates again.

Why don't we fall, when the earth is rotating? You're correct, gravity.

As the sun comes up, the sea gets hazier no matter what season it is. When life tumbles, a similar gravitational force holds us and keeps us from falling down. Our part is only to keep holding on.